


A Fate of Joo Dee

by gemsofformenos



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Lost Memories, Past Brainwashing, Struggle for Identity, self-punishment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-09-10
Packaged: 2020-05-02 02:08:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 23,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19189750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gemsofformenos/pseuds/gemsofformenos
Summary: Joo Dee was ordered to wait and as a humble servant, she did, like her was told. But something was different, because more questions, than usual were crawling up her mind, this time. Something was wrong with her, she could feel it. It messed up her mind, but the fact, which worried her most, was the threatening feeling, that she appreciated these dark spots in her mind.





	1. As Ordered

**Author's Note:**

> This is a new project of mine and I'm curious for myself, where it will leads me, because until now,I'm unsure, how big it'll become, but I can promise, that I plan some more chapters for it.  
> Oh, I'll ignore the comics with this one here. A lot, in fact.  
> I wish all of you a lot of fun with this new project.

Joo Dee was siting in the small cell, as ordered. She didn’t knew, where she was, or why she was brought to this miserable place, but in a strange way, it felt right for her to be here, like she deserved to be thrown in such a dark and dirty place.  
Maybe the Dai Li had left Ba Sing Se with her, to bring her to this prison, but she didn’t knew it and it didn’t matter. A dense sadness was sneaking through her mind, but this was usual for her. This dull pain was always there and sometimes, she woke up in the nights with red cried eyes, but she didn’t know why. Something was missing, it seemed, but she couldn’t place a finger on it.  
She could faintly remember mornings, when she had woken up with a sore throat, like she had screamed her lungs out of her chest all the night, but she couldn’t remember why or what she might have screamed.  
She had to sit on this chair since a weak now, like ordered, only leaving it, when nature called her or when she went to bed in the evening.

Or morning, she had no clue, because there was no daylight within this cell, only some glowing crystals, which never stopped spending a sickening green light.

Joo Dee felt, that something was wrong with her, sometimes, but this feeling faded, regularly, when doctors helped her to dense this fear, but they couldn’t erase this threatening feeling, that she appreciated this strange hole in her mind.  
She was Joo Dee, she has ever been Joo Dee, but she hasn’t a childhood, friends or a family. She had sisters and brothers, Jong Dees and they were always her brothers and sisters. They were all the same and yet they looked different. And every time, when some of her brothers or sisters started to shape out unique aspects of a personality, they disappeared. When they came back, they were like her, again, but sometimes they simply vanished and the memory of them blurred as well, so all what was left was Doo Dee and Jong Dee, nothing more, nothing less.

Voices in the corridor in front of her cell, stopped her mind from wandering in the same circles, awaiting dutiful any order or command, the Dai Li might have for her.

“… long should we keep her locked away?”

It was the voice of a younger man, filled with worries.

“She’ll stay here, until we receive a different order from Long Feng.”

The other male voice belonged to an older man, but it also seemed, that he was concerned about something.

“But Long Feng isn’t in command anymore, the Princess has taken over the Dai Li.”

Joo Dee didn’t know why, but she felt her fingernails pressing through the fabric in the skin of her upper legs at these words. She had heard fear in the voice of the younger man and as longer as the silence continued, as more she got nervous.

“That’s why we’re here.”

There was something sinister in this quote, which made Joo Dee shiver in fear. Suddenly, the room seemed to be much smaller and much more miserable, than before.

“I don’t understand? What about the Princess? We would betray...”

“The Princess doesn’t care about her!”

The older man had screamed in rage at the younger one to cut his speech. The silence was gnawing at Joo Dee’s mood. The cold prickle in her stomach made her sweat and she felt the urge to jump up from the chair, but her order kept her in place.

“And you think, this fact would spare us from her wrath, Gy Long?”

Joo Dee felt her throat tightening. Her mouth was so dry right now, but she had emptied her last jug of water an hour ago and they hasn’t brought her a new one, yet.

“And don’t forget the Prince, what about him?”

She was holding her breath, as she recognized the sigh from outside.

“It’s too late to hand her over, now, Torak. We would only earn a fast death, instead of a long and painful one.”

The voice of the old man was determent. Something in it was threatening Joo Dee to the bone.

“You have a plan?”

The voice of the younger man was trembling a bit. The door got unlocked and the agents entered the cell. The hard face of the older man let Joo Dee’s blood run cold.

“I have. You’ll see it, when we get there. Joo Dee, stand up, we’ll travel a little.”

 

oOo

 

The black fabric of the bag over her head made breathing difficult. It was pitch black around her, but Joo Dee had noticed, that she had been placed inside of a wagon. She felt dizzy, thirsty and dirty. Two weeks have passed, since the agents have placed her in this wagon and she got weaker and weaker during this torturing trip. She wasn’t allowed to leave the wagon and she had recognized the arguments about giving her not too much water and food during the trip.

“Where do we bring her, Gy Long?”

Torak kept asking this question, since they had left the prison, but Gy Long hadn’t lost a word about it, until today.

“We’ll fulfill her old destiny, this is the only chance to save out lives.”

“What?!?”

The wagon stopped, suddenly and Joo Dee bumped hard against the metal walls.

“You can’t be serious? I thought we would hide her and think about, how we could use her to save our lives!”

Torak was obviously shocked and confused and Joo Dee felt the panic rising.

“Don’t be a fool, Torak. Do you really think, we could expect mercy from any side for this mess. Her existence is a threat for too many people, it wouldn’t surprise me, if they would use the fact, that we had captured her as a reason to burn down the whole Earthkingdom.”

Gy Long sounded angry. There was a coldness in his voice, which twisted Joo Dee’s stomach upside down.

“But she’s been addressed as useful, before. Long Feng...”

“She was useful, as long as Ba Sing Se had been in our hands, but now the Earthkingdom has fallen, Torak! Just as you said, Long Feng isn’t in command anymore, but I won’t bow before this spoiled Princess. My duty is to protect Ba Sing Se!”

There was so much loathing in his voice.

“The Fire Lord had ordered her death, long ago, but Long Feng has taken advantage of this opportunity. I’ll only correct a mistake and disguise the hints to save, what is left from our kingdom.”

Joo Dee’s breath was panicked as she heard fighting sounds and curses from outside the wagon. The vehicle was shaken by some hard impacts and she screamed in fear, as the wagon flipped over. The name of the Fire Lord was burning like a torch in her mind and she had no clue, why this was frightening her, so much. The last thing, she felt was a hard hit at her head, before her body went slack.


	2. I Am Joo Dee...?

Joo Dee released a painful moan, as she opened her eyes, again. It took her a second to realize, that she wasn’t in the wagon anymore and she tried to jump up in panic and fear, but her sight went black again, as soon as she tried to stand up. She fell back into the cushions and was about to ask herself, why she was in a soft bed, right now, when a cool and gentle hand was placed on her forehead. She jolted up, again, but a soothing voice calmed her down a bit.

“Hey, it’s okay. You’re save here.”

The vision of a young teenage girl with brown eyes and a soft smile got clearer before her eyes. She felt, that the girl had taken her hand and was gently rubbing over her knuckles with her thumb. The teenager had some tears in her eyes.

“I don’t know, who has done this to you, but don’t worry, they couldn’t harm you anymore.”

Something in this quote and in this gentle touch was soothing her.

“Who are you and where do you came from?”

Joo Dee winced at this question and she felt a burning sting in her mind. She tried to crawl away from the girl, but somehow the shocked and hurt face of her convinced her to stop this attempt. 

“I promise, you’ll be save here.”

Joo Dee looked in the honest brown eyes of the girl. She recognized, that she had been washed and dressed in fresh clothes and that her wounds had been treated. It finally brought tears to her eyes, which forced another reaction out of the girl in front of her. She hugged her tight, which let her cries break a way out of her throat.

“It’s okay. It’s okay. Whatever you have been through, it’s over now.”

The girl was crying, too and she kept rubbing Joo Dee’s back until her tears ran dry.

“My name is Song and I’m a healer in my village. Some villagers have found you in a wagon of slave hunters and they have brought you to me.”

Song gave her a teary smile, but she recognized the pain in Joo Dee’s look.

“What’s your name?”

Tears came back to Joo Dee’s eyes and again she felt soothing arms wrapped around her shoulders. Something in the smile of this girl reminded her of another smile, she had seen in her past. She tried to focus on it, but a stinging pain made her sick and dizzy, instantly.

“You cannot remember?”

The voice of the girl was full of compassion.

“You have hit your head. Loosing your memory isn’t unusual in this case.”

Joo Dee started to cry heavier, but she shook her head.

“I can remember, somehow, but I… I’m not allowed. This wouldn’t be helpful.”

Song looked worried at her. Joo Dee recognized her sad face through her tears.

“I am Joo Dee, at your service.”

She managed to bow a little, but she saw the shocked eyes of the girl in front of her.

“You’re from Ba Sing Se, aren’t you.”

Joo Dee nodded, while she tried to stop her tears from falling, but without any success.

“I’m a humble servant of the city and of the kingdom.”

She recognized, how her voice was trembling. The quarrel of the agents came back to her mind and it tightened her throat, again. She saw the nervous look of the teenager.

“I have met Joo Dee at a visit in Ba Sing Se, two years ago, you don’t look like her. You’re much older.”

Joo Dee tended her head aside. She felt an uncomfortable feeling crawling up in her mind.

“I have sisters, maybe you have met one of them. I am Joo Dee.” She recognized her own irritation. “...at your service.”

Song’s face got worried and confused.

“Does your sister is also named Joo Dee?”

Joo Dee frowned deep. She felt a sickening pain in her head, but she was sure, that this wasn’t linked with the hit, she had to take within the wagon.

“I have sisters and I am Joo Dee.”

She felt, that something about this answer had to be wrong, but she didn’t know, what it was. The pain started to pulse under the bone of her skull.

“Did you grow up with your sisters in Ba Sing Se? Who are your parents? Do you have a husband, friends or a family, we can send a message?”

Joo Dee felt the rest of her color fading from her face. The pain got more and more intense.

“I am Joo Dee. I live in Ba Sing Se. I’m a humble servant of my city and my kingdom.”

She started to sob and Song, who still had a grip at her shoulders, pulled her close a third time, stroking over her hair.

“It’s okay, Joo Dee. It’s okay. We’ll find your family.”

Joo Dee jolted up in fear, shaking her aching head in panic.

“No! Don’t try to find them! They would do harm to you!”

The vivid horror in Song’s face increased the pulsing pain, but Joo Dee forced the words out, with all her strength.

“I was ordered to die to save… my kingdom? I am Joo Dee, as a humble servant, it is my duty to serve my kingdom. But… But...”

She screamed, as the pain tried to burn her brain like a glowing dagger. Song called for her mother and some herbs, but Joo Dee was on her feet, standing in her bed. Her tortured and desperate look scared the young healer almost to death.

“Something is wrong with me, Song. What is wrong with me? I must protect my family, ...but I am Joo Dee, I am a humble servant… But my son… my daughter… I must protect… They have ordered my death… My husband…No! I am Joo Dee...”

She collapsed on the bed in a scream, cramping and gurgling awfully, with foam bubbling out of her mouth, while Song was screaming her lungs out for her mother.


	3. Fever

The teenager removed the cool and wet piece of fabric from Joo Dee’s hot forehead. She was still terrified from Joo Dee’s reaction at some simple questions. She stroke carefully over her head, as she felt her mothers hand resting on her shoulders.

“Mom, this is horrible.”

She heard Ji-sun sighing and she felt the arms of her mother wrapped around her shoulders.

“Someone has messed up her mind, I have seen soldiers, who have shown similar reactions, because they had used herbs, but this seems to be so much worse. Who would do such things to a human?”

She felt the kiss of her mother on her head and she turned to her worried face. Song had to swallow a lump, as she stroke carefully over Joo Dee’s head. The woman in front of her was in a terrible shape, even without her messed up mind. She was dehydrated and her dry lips were cut open and covered with crusts. She had bruises and sore parts on her back and on her buttocks from weeks of sitting still and some of them were now infected and oozing, caused by the poor hygienic and disgusting conditions, she had been transported. And she was so thin, Song has had no problems to count her ribs, as she had cleaned her up with her mother and had treated all the sore parts and the bruises. It made Song’s stomach cramp in discomfort to think about all the things, this woman must have been through.

“No one deserves this, mom. We must help her.”

The painful look of her mother brought the tears back to Song’s eyes.

“You haven’t seen her eyes, mom. They were so empty, but before she broke down, there was an vivid flicker in it.”

Song shuddered in terror.

“But this flicker was filled with panic and pain, mom. So much pain. How can such beautiful golden eyes show so much pain, mom?”

Another sigh escaped her mothers mouth and she pulled Song’s head to her middle.

“I have no clue, darling. I have no clue.”

Song felt her tears running down her cheeks, while she dabbed the dry lips of Joo Dee with another piece of fabric, which was soaked with a herbal tea, to give the unconscious woman at least a little bit of liquid and medicine. Joo Dee started to twist and turn a little in her slumber, while painful expressions rushed over her face.

“But I do agree you, Song. We must help her.”

A thankful sparkle came to the teenagers eyes and she smiled at her mother.

“So we send a message to Ba Sing Se? Maybe the officials know something about her.”

“No!”

Song winced at the hard answer of her mother. Ji-sun’s face softened, as she recognized the slight shock in her daughters eyes. She stroke carefully over the cheek of her child.

“Sorry, darling, but I fear we cannot do this, if we want to help her.”

She hesitated to continue, but the questioning look of her daughter let her search on for the right words.

“I may know some rumors about persons, like Joo Dee, who are working in Ba Sing Se and they are… frightening.”

Fear rushed over Song’s face, for a moment, but it was replaced with sadness and compassion. Her bottom lip started to quiver, as she looked at the sweaty pale face of Joo Dee.

“She has warned me to search for her family, mom, before she broke down. She has said, it would bring harm upon us.”

Ji-sun was about to answer her daughter, when Joo Dee started to twist and whimper in her sleep, stammering gibberish, but with an obvious rising panic in her voice. Song took her hand and whispered soothing words in her ear, but out of nowhere, Joo Dee sat straight in bed and her eyes shot wide open in pure fear and horror, screaming her lungs out of her chest. She twisted and screamed franticly, punching and pushing with her hands aimless around to fight away nightmares and enemies, which weren’t present. Song barely managed to calm her down, recognizing, that she was deep in a fever dream, which tortured her with parts of her very own horror, but finally she was able to push her gently back into the sheets. She wanted to stand up, to look for some herbs, to mix a stronger medicine against the pains and the fever, when Joo Dee clawed herself in the fabric of her sleeves. 

“Please, don’t go… tell me, where’s your brother?”

Song shared a helpless look with her mother, who shrugged shoulders, but with a painful look on her face. The fever still seemed to grow higher and the poor woman was hallucinating. Song swallowed heavy and nodded at her mother to fetch her some stronger medicine, before she took place on the chair beside the bed, again, stroking the hot cheek of Joo Dee.

“Don’t worry, I’ll stay with you. All the night, if I must.”

A little sigh escaped Joo Dee’s lips but the fear and worries remained in the pale and sweaty face.

“We must be careful. Your father mustn’t found us. He would do harm to us!”

Her breath became more panicked and she pulled Song close to her, pressing the teenager against her, like she tried to shield her from any harm. A sudden flicker in her eyes told Song about a wave of confusion rushing over the woman.

“How do you escaped? Where is your brother? No this is wrong, I have done a terrible mistake. I have given up my children! But… But I had no...”

She screamed again, starting to sob heavily, while Ji-sun returned with a stronger medicine. Song barely recognized, that her own tears were falling free, as she prepared a spoonful of the elixir.

“Here, Joo Dee, take this, it will help to bring down the fever and the pains.”

The woman stared at the spoon and at Song and a tortured begging was in her eyes.

“Can you forgive me? I have abandoned you, I have abandoned your brother. I have left both of you to the hands of this monster. But I have seen no other choice, he would have killed your brother, maybe you, too.”

Song had to focus, but she couldn’t stop the spoon from shaking and messing the bedsheet with the elixir. The desperation in the woman’s eyes was too much for her. She had to sob hard, as her mother took the spoon out of her hands and she struggled a lot, until she dared to take Joo Dee’s hands.

“I’ll forgive you, Joo Dee. And my… we both will forgive you. Now take your medicine. I’ll stay here by your side, until you’ll be fine, again.”

A weight seemed to fall of the shoulders of the poor woman in front of her and heavy sobs burst out of Joo Dee, as she pulled the teenager at her chest, stroking the hair of the girl.

“He hasn’t turn you into a monster.”

She somehow managed to swallow the medicine, Ji-sun gave her, also with tears in her eyes. Joo Dee laid back on her bed and a weak smile rushed over her pale and blood-crusted lips. She was drifting back into her fever dreams, but her hands still cupped the one of Song’s.

“I love you. I couldn’t have been more wrong. I love you, my little Princess...”

Joo Dee fell back to sleep, again, but her grip stayed firm around Song’s hand, who wiped carefully away the tears of the woman, before she continued with her own. She felt a soothing kiss of her mother on her cheek and she pressed her head against her cheek with her other hand.

“I’ll prepare you a bed here at her side, Song. Let’s hope, that you’ll manage to bring down the fever.”

Song nodded and her mother left the room. She stroke away some sweaty strains of hair out of the Joo Dee’s face and sighed.

“It will get down. She needs a chance.”


	4. Mothers

Joo Dee felt weak and thirsty, as she opened her eyes, again. Her head was heavy, but wasn’t aching and it seemed to her, like every sensation had to fight its way through some thick layers of fluffy feathers. Song’s warm and comforting smile approached and she managed to smile back a bit.

“How do you feel, Joo Dee?”

She was so weak, but she managed to sit up a bit to bow in bed.

“I feel honored to be chosen to serve my kingdom and ready to fulfill my duties as a humble servant of the city.”

Song’s face showed sadness and confusion at this quote and she took Joo Dee’s hand.

“No, I mean physically. Do you still have pains? Are you hungry or thirsty?”

Joo Dee frowned at these questions. She was used to be asked about her physical condition, but not in such a manner. The girl in front of her was smiling so warm and genuine at her. She was interested in her wellbeing and this made her nervous.

“I… feel capable to handle my duties, as...”

Joo Dee was interrupted by Song’s sigh. She recognized a wet glitter in the corners of the teenagers eyes. The girl seemed to struggle a little with herself and Joo Dee recognized, that the girl started to feel ashamed and most uncomfortable. She pointed at her chest and Joo Dee focused on the sign, which was sewed on it.

“Do you know this sign, Joo Dee?”

The woman nodded, instantly. It was the official Earthkingdom symbol, but with leafs of several herbs behind it.

“It’s an official sign, which addresses you as an healer.”

Song nodded, but her face was still filled with shame.

“Correct. I am allowed to wear it, so...” She hesitated and it seemed, that her words were about to leave a bitter taste in her mouth. “...so as a healer I order you to answer my questions.”

Joo Dee bowed, instantly and nearly fell out of bed by doing so. 

“I am hungry and thirsty and I feel really weak. I still feel sore, but much better, than the last time.”

Song managed a little smile, but she still seemed to feel uncomfortable.

“Thank you, Joo Dee. My mother will bring you something to eat.”

She handed her a cup of tea and pointed at Joo Dee’s nightstand.

“Tea and water are always here. Take care, that you’ll have two pots of tea during the day, it will help to get rid of the infection and the little temperature, you still have.”

Joo Dee drank the whole cup at once and earned an uplifting smile from Song.

“I have a bedpan placed under your bed, if necessary, but don’t hesitate to ask for help, if you feel, that nature calls you. You’re weak, but some little walks could help you to regain your strength, so we may try to combine this, but don’t rush you too much, in this case.”

She stroke carefully over Joo Dee’s head, which brought a strange feeling to the woman. She felt a tear coming to her eye.

“In general, don’t hesitate to ask for help or for things, which could make you feel more comfortable. We’ll do our best for you. If you should start to feel sick or ill, again, if you get hungry, thirsty, or if you simply need some company or something, which could ease your pains, don’t hesitate to ask.”

Song smiled at the still slightly confused woman and pushed her softly back in the sheets.

“You’ll be save here, Joo Dee. Rest and get well.”

Joo Dee was about to sit up, again, to bow before Song, but her eyes sot wide open, as she received a comforting hug, which pushed her back.

“It’s okay, Joo Dee. No need to do that. Just rest and get well. Mom and I will be there for you.”

She released the confused woman out of her arms and walked out of the room. Joo Dee took a look around. It was a little room, with a bed a desk, a shelf with scrolls, a closet and a nightstand. She recognized a sleeping bag and a pillow on the floor beside her bed and frowned.

“Song hasn’t left your side during the week.”

Joo Dee turned to the door. A woman, about her age entered the room with a tablet. A rich smell of a warm soup reached her, before the woman could place the tablet on her bed.

“I’m Ji-sun, Song’s mother. Here, I have made a soup for you. Be careful, it’s hot and you should eat slowly, you haven’t eaten proper for weeks, it seems, so your stomach has to adjust to normal food, again.”

Joo Dee nodded and started to eat the soup in silence. Ji-sun took the time and cleaned the room a bit and checked the water. Joo Dee noticed, that she observed her out of the corner of her eyes. It gave her a strange feeling and this silence started to make her feel uncomfortable. Finally she dared to speak between two spoons of soup, as Song’s mother started to prepare the sleeping bag.

“Your… your daughter has allowed me to ask some questions?”

Ji-sun stopped and smiled warm at Joo Dee. She seemed to be happy, that the woman has dared to speak with her.

“Feel free to do so.”

Joo Dee’s voice fell lower.

“I barely remember the last week. I remember I have talked to Song, before my pains have overwhelmed me, but then everything is a blurry mess. Have I really been down for a week?”

A painful flicker rushed over Ji-sun’s face. She placed the bag back on the ground and checked the pillow.

“Yes you have. You have been unconscious, as they have brought you to the hospital. Song was about to go home, as she has brought you in and she had noticed your bad shape. The hospital was already full, so she has ordered to bring you home to us, where she had taken care of you.”

Joo Dee swallowed hard. She looked around and noticed some paintings hanging on the walls of flowers and herbs.

“This is her bed, isn’t it?”

Ji-sun nodded at the dark whisper.

“It is. Song has stayed at your side day and night, until the fever was broken, yesterday. She has cried in relief, as she had recognized it. My daughter was worried, that one day more and...”

Her voice broke and she wiped quickly a tear out of the corner of her eyes. Joo Dee stared at her soup and was fighting her own tears and confusion. This wasn’t like it would have been in Ba Sing Se. This teenager has fought for her life, not like the doctors, she knew. The quarrel between the agents came back to her mind. This was so confusing for her. She didn’t want to die, but it seemed, that her death was order to protect the Earthkingdom. But what could she have done wrong, that her death was needed. She had always been a humble servant. These thoughts made her stomach cramp and her head spinning. Maybe when she would go back to Ba Sing Se, she would get a second chance.

“Healer Song… Your daughter has ordered me to rest and get well, but my duty lies in Ba Sing Se. I must return to the city as soon as possible.”

She looked up and recognized, that the color had faded from Ji-sun’s face. Joo Dee had also recognized the confusion in her voice. Song’s mother came to her.

“Then listen to my daughter and I’m in doubt, that you would find a pleasant welcome in Ba Sing Se.”

Joo Dee felt a warm feeling struggling with a cold order, deep in her mind.

“But as a humble servant...”

She was interrupted by Ji-sun, who came to her bed and squeezed her hand.

“Even a humble servant doesn’t deserves this.”

She took a little mirror out of her robe to show Joo Dee her face. She was shocked to see those dead golden eyes, which were laying deep in her skull. She could see the bones on her cheeks and the dark rings under her eyes. Her hair was hanging lifeless from her head, but these glooming eyes were the worst. They looked so weak and lost. Song’s mother squeezed her hand, again.

“My daughter gives a damn about your old duties there, so do I.”

Joo Dee inhaled sharp and her eyes widened in shock an panic, but the woman in front of her showed determination.

“We are the ones, who care for you at this moment. I don’t know, who you were, before you’ve become Joo Dee, but believe me, they had no right to do such things to you.”

Joo Dee felt the stinging pain in her head, instantly. It seemed to her, that this pain tried to keep her away from her dark spots and from questioning herself, why they were there.

“Don’t waste your strength on it, Joo Dee. Get well, then we might talk about, why these men have brought you here.”

Joo Dee nodded, with some tears in her eyes and finished her soup in silence. Ji-sun took the tablet, as she was finished and was about to leave the room, when Joo Dee’s voice made her turn back.

“How could I thank you for your help?”

Ji-sun gave her a warm smile.

“You’ll get plenty of time to find a way, when you’ll be fine, again. We have decided, that you could stay here with us, for a while.”

Joo Dee’s jaw just dropped, which elicited Ji-sun a soft chuckle.

“We cannot kick you out of the door, Joo Dee, you would have no place to go.”

Her face turned into a sad one, while she continued speaking.

“You can feel, that something is wrong with you. I don’t know, what it is, neither do you, but Song wants to heal these wounds, too. She’s a bit stubborn in this case.”

Joo Dee felt the puling pain in her head and she pressed her eyelids together.

“But what if I don’t want to find it out?”

Joo Dee released a gasp, instantly, as her words had left her mouth. She had heard a slight changing in her own voice and due to Ji-sun’s reaction, she had heard it, too.

“Those memories may come back, whether you like it or not, Joo Dee. Some of them have fought a way back during your fever, but you cannot remember.”

She faced Joo Dee with a determent look.

“So from mother to mother, it’s better to have people around you, who care for you, when these memories come back, than to be on your own. We won’t force anything out, but we can be there to help you, when you have to deal with them. So stay with us.”

Joo Dee stared with open mouth at Ji-sun. She couldn’t believe it, but she felt the pulsing pain fading a bit.

“Why?”

The a dark shadow rushed over Ji-sun’s face, but her smile returned to the woman only moments later.

“Why not? And we can always use some helping hands. Call for me, if you need something. Song will be in the hospital all the day, but I’ll be around. Now sleep a little.”

She left the room and Joo Dee took another cup of the tea. Her mind started to wander again, until her head was buzzing. She was Joo Dee, she has always been Joo Dee, but she had to admit, that this wasn’t right, somehow. She must have a family, but she couldn’t remember. There was no memories of a father or mother, of a childhood or things, she has done in her youth. There was only a smiling image of Joo Dee.

\- From mother to mother -

This phrase sent a stinging pain through her skull. She hissed in pain and pressed her hands against her temples, but then her eyes shot open wide. The vision of the smiling Joo Dee changed for a moment before her inner eye into a smiling young black-haired girl with golden eyes. Bangles framed the beaming smile of the girl, which showed her something blue on her palm, but Joo Dee didn’t get the vision clear enough to shape the blue object. A teenage boy was standing beside her, clapping his hands in excitement, also with a beaming smile for the girl. The pain became stronger and the image faded and turned back into Joo Dee. She tried again to get a grip on the former image, but it was blocked away by the pain. She couldn’t make it coming back to her, which forced a little sob out of her. She felt a crack at one one of these walls around her dark spots and this fact frightened her.

Something was wrong.

She wanted to remember, but at the same time, she felt, that she didn’t.

She was a mother.

How could she have forgotten her children?

And how for all spirit’s sake could she explain this feeling, that it might be saver for these children, that she wouldn’t remember.


	5. Wish and Duty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it has taken so long to update this one, but real life was really busy lately and troublesome too and it really sucks on my mood and energy to write stuff. Today was better so I finished some content I have started for a while and so a new chapter for this one.

It took another week, until Joo Dee felt strong enough to be on her own feet, again. She was still quiet and polite to Song and Ji-sun and most of the time, she only reacted in the way, like Song had ordered. Joo Dee felt always a sting in her heart, when the teenager watched her with this deep sadness, every time she acted with the dutiful respect before the healer. It was the same this evening as Song had brought her her meal and has asked her about her condition, before she had left the room, to eat with her mother. She had asked Joo Dee, whether she would like to join them at the table, but like the last three evenings, she had refused this offer. The woman was sure, that this wouldn’t be allowed to her, but she started to ask herself why. These strange thought were gnawing on her mood and she was sure, that her reactions were gnawing on Song’s mood, too and this fact left an awkward hole in her chest. She looked down on her empty plate and the tablet and released a sigh. She couldn’t remember, if she had ever dared to do such a thing, but she had to do something. Her hands got a firm grip on the tablet.

oOo

Song was helping her mother with the dishes in the kitchen. She had talked a lot with her mother about Joo Dee and her strange behavior, but the answers, her mother had given during the last two weeks, had shocked the teenager, beside the fact, that Ji-sun had chosen her words carefully. 

She wasn’t dumb. Something terrible must have happened to Joo Dee in Ba Sing Se and due to the vague hints, her mother have given to her, these things had to be done to her on purpose and under the eyes of the officials in the city. Her mother seemed to know more about it, but she blocked any attempt to find out more. 

“She still blocks away my attempts to get to know her better.”

Ji-sun sighed, while she was washing another plate, but she kept quite, so Song continued.

“You don’t seem to be surprised about this fact, mom.”

Ji-sun felt the pensive look of her daughter on her back. She recognized, that she had stopped polishing the plate in her hand.

“I have told you, that your uncle have lived a while in Ba Sing Se, before he died in war. I know one thing or two about how this city works.”

She returned her focus to the dishes, but Song didn’t retreat this time.

“Mom...”

Ji-sun felt the grip of her daughter on her wrist.

“Mom, how could I help her, when I don’t know, what has happened to her. She blocks every deeper question, she seem to have no own will, she only is willing to give some honest informations about her condition, since she knows, that I’m an official healer.”

Ji-sun turned to her daughter and gave her a sad smile.

“Song, please. I have already told you...”

“But that’s not enough!”

Song screamed her anger at her mother. She was trembling heavy and her eyes, which were normally so kind and friendly, were glowing in anger. Ji-sun stared in shock at her daughter for a moment…

...and then slapped her on her cheek.

Song’s eyes widened in stunning surprise. The slap wasn’t hard, but it was stinging on her cheek. She had never seen her mother loosing her temper this way. It seemed, that all her anger has jumped over to her mother.

“How could you dare, Song. You’re right, you have no idea, what they done to her in Ba Sing Se, but better be thankful for that.”

“I beg your pardon.”

Joo Dee’s shaky voice made both turned around in surprise. The woman looked shy and confused at both, with the tablet in her hands.

“I thought, it would be my humble duty to bring back the dishes and help to clean them.”

She looked down at the floor as she walked over to the working plate, where she started to clean up her bowl and plate in silence. She only looked up, as Song took the piece of fabric out of her hand.

“It’s okay Joo Dee. You’re our patient, so you don’t need to do this.”

The warm smile of the girl was hitting Joo Dee, again, like it did every time within the last week. It reminded her so badly at another smile, which she couldn’t figure out, where she had seen it, but this time, this hit caused an effect.

She smiled back.

It was not this sort of smile, Joo Dee used to have. It was a thankful one, warm and honest. It was a smile she didn’t know, she could smile at all, because she had never felt the way, that a smile like this would come to her lips, but now it appeared on her face and she felt this strange but pleasant tickle running down her spine. It pushed away the pulsing pain behind her temples and the idea of an whispered warning in her ear, not to do the next thing, she did. She spoke some open words to Song.

“I know, but I want to do it.”

Joo Dee’s smile stayed on her lips, as she recognized the wet glitter in Song’s eyes. The girl had to struggle hard, to hold back some tears and she sniffed a little, before she handed her back the piece of fabric.

“In that case, thank you for your help, Joo Dee.”

Joo Dee bowed a little, before the smiling girl.

“You’re welcome. I am Joo Dee, always at your service.”

She was busy with the dishes, so she didn’t recognized the sad flicker in Song’s eyes, when she fell back into her old behavior. Nevertheless they finished the cleanup together. Joo Dee bowed before mother and daughter, as the last plate was placed back in a closet.

“I will return to bed now, as ordered, beside there would be anything else, what I could do, to repay you for all your kindness and help.”

Song came to her and placed her hands on her shoulders, to straighten her up, again. Her warm smile was back on her lips and it brought this strange tickle back to Joo Dee.

“As I told you more than once, now. You don’t need to bow before us, Joo Dee.”

She took the hands of the woman and squeezed them.

“It was nice to see you smile so warm at me, for the first time. So if you really want to help us, then we can talk tomorrow about it. I have a day off from hospital, so we would have plenty of time to do so.”

Joo Dee felt the instinct to bow again, but she could stop herself, this time. It was like an itch, she couldn’t scratch to leave out this gesture and she felt an unpleasant struggle within herself. She noticed, that this struggle seemed to be more obvious, than she had hoped, because Song started to make a worried face. Joo Dee finally made an heavy nod, which helped to satisfy this urgent need to bow. It also relieved Song, obviously. She was about to go, when Song’s gentle voice made her stop.

“But Joo Dee? I’ll only accept this offer, when this it truly your wish. I don’t want you to do such things, because you might think, this is your duty.”

Joo Dee rolled this quote around in her mind for a while. It brought back this pulsing and torturing pain in her head. It must be wrong to wish, that this wasn’t her duty. They had helped a humble servant and had assured, that she could continue to serve her city and so the whole kingdom. 

A kingdom, which had send her away to end her life. She kept a straight face, this time, as the terror of her last moments in the wagon touched her mind. This was all so wrong, but it wasn’t her duty to question those things.

But she didn’t want to die. It was another thing, she wanted. She was thankful for their efforts for her. She want to repay it in one way or another. She nodded at Song.

“Yes Song. It is my wish. I want to do this. I also think, that this is my duty, too, but that’s not the main reason. I’m thankful and I want to do something, to repay you. I have caused a lot of extra efforts and worries for you, so I want to help you and your mother, if I can.”

Beside her better knowledge, she bowed again, before she turned back, to leave the kitchen, but the little quarrel of mother and daughter, she had heard, before she had entered the kitchen, made her freeze in the door frame.

“You should listen to your mother, Song. She only wants to protect you, that’s what a mother does. I know, what I’m talking about.”

The stinging and pulsing pain took over, but she could rush back to Song’s room to hide her pains. She knew, what she was talking about. The pain seemed to be a prove to her. Normally she would be ordered to see a doctor in Ba Sing Se, who would help her to handle this pain. She vague remembered, that she had those kind of questions and knowledge before. It had always brought her pain, confusion and misery, but the doctors had helped her. They have always taken away her pain.

Joo Dee frowned, as she tried to remember, how they had managed this, maybe Song could do the same, to ease this returning pulsing torture. She screamed, instantly and collapsed on the floor, pressing her hands on her temples. She recognized Song through a fog of pains rushing at her side but her mind was racing. She didn’t realize, that her lips were moving, while Song helped her back to her bed, but she was repeating one mantra over and over again.

“You are Joo Dee, a humble servant of the city. You should forget. You are Joo Dee, a humble servant of the city. You should forget. You are Joo Dee...”


	6. Who May Be Joo Dee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a compensation for the long break before, I have finished another chapter for this one today.

Joo Dee woke up early at the morning. The sun wasn’t up yet, but a warm golden glow was already floating the room through the window. She felt a person laying at her side and turned her head in surprise. The woman inhaled sharp and pressed her hands before her mouth to muffle a teary sob. Song was sleeping beside her, still in her robes from the evening before. Joo Dee scanned the face of the girl closer. She looked stressed, even in her sleep and her lips were moving a little, like she was whispering to someone. Signs of worries and grief rushed over the young face from time to time. It woke up something in Joo Dee, something she hasn’t felt before…?

Or maybe she has felt before, but it had been pushed away, buried under layers of orders…?

Or lies…?

It stung heavy for a moment, but the urgent need to follow this feeling was stronger than the pain and the screamed order to resist in her mind. Joo Dee placed her hand carefully on Song’s head and started to stroke the hair of the sleeping girl. Song shifted her position instantly, snuggling closer to Joo Dee in sleep, but her face didn’t softened. She whimpered, obviously haunted by some sort of nightmare. It was too much to resist for Joo Dee and instincts took over. She shifted her position as well, getting closer to the sleeping girl and pulled Song’s forehead to her lips, placing a soothing kiss on it.

“It’s okay. It’s only a nightmare.”

She had whispered these words faster, than she could think about it. They had come so natural to her. The pulsing pain, which had tried to prevent her from doing so was gone. It felt right for her to do so and no order would prevent her from doing it. The expression on Song’s face softened, shifting into a finally peaceful one. To see, that her actions have helped this gentle girl drove away the last part of her worries. It couldn’t be wrong to do so.

It was this moment of peace and comfort, when she recognized observing eyes resting on her. Ji-sun was standing in the doorway and watched the scenery in silence. Shame and embarrassment bubbled up in Joo Dee and she was about to release the girl from her soothing grip, but Song’s mother shook her head with a teary smile. She walked to the bed as well and started to fondle the hair of her daughter, carefully. Joo Dee recognized the mixture of relief, understanding and deepest sadness. Both simply watched Song sleeping in Joo Dee’s arms and taking in the peaceful moment for some time.

“My older sister lived with her husband in Ba Sing Se.”

Ji-sun was observing her daughter, while she started to speak. There was a somber sadness in her voice, which was giving Joo Dee goosebumps, but she remained quite.

“They lived in the middle ring. Sung’s uncle was lieutenant in the army, she was running a flower shop. I visited them at least once a year and she was writing regularly.”

Joo Dee recognized that her voice was trembling a bit.

“Out of nowhere she stopped writing. I was worried and traveled to Ba Sing Se to find out, what has happened. I talked with her husband and found out, that she was kidnapped and murdered by criminals. He had written me to inform me about it, but the letters were intercepted by the officials. I have missed the funeral ceremony of my own sister, because of the censorship.”

She made a fist in anger and her voice got filled with cold anger.

“At least I thought so...”

She faced Joo Dee with a burning look. She could see a burning hate in it, but this hate wasn’t addressed to her.

“I have met her at the day I left Ba Sing Se to return home. I met her in an official uniform, while she was leading a guided tour for visitors at a famous market in the upper ring. But she wasn’t my sister anymore.”

Tears were rolling down Ji-sun’s cheeks and Joo Dee felt cold sweat coming to her forehead.

“I met Joo Dee, a humble servant of the city.”

She sobbed heavy and looked in pain at her daughter. Joo Dee was staring in shock at Ji-sun. Her mind was blanc. All her emotions, her knowledge and her instincts became a blurry mess in her head. She barely recognized, that she has tightened an protecting grip around Song. All she could do was staring in shock at the crying woman at Song’s bed.

“Ji-ming, my wonderful sister was kidnapped and murdered in Ba Sing Se by criminals, but these criminals are members of the Dai Li. They have erased her personality and have made a Joo Dee out of her.”

She wiped away her tears, but only more of them came back to her eyes.

“I have hugged her, cried at her, yelled at her, but all I received was a questioning look. Someone called the guards but I escaped to her husbands home. I told him what happened and he was so shocked and scared. I wanted to search for her again, but he got mad and stopped me. He bound me and smuggled me out of the city at the same day.”

Cold anger was in Ji-sun’s voice and she clawed herself in the bedsheets.

“I thought he hadn’t believed me, but today I know, that he has saved me from sharing her fate. He must have been ordered to the front lines only days after this, because two months later, we received the message of his death in combat and a letter, where he explained everything to me. A trusted comrade has delivered the message, otherwise we would have never get any informations.”

Joo Dee was pale and trembling. This story was starting a struggle with her own knowledge about herself and she was scared to death by the answers and further questions, this struggle was causing. Ji-sun was telling the truth, she had no doubt about it, but at the same time it couldn’t be the truth. 

She was Joo Dee.

She has ever been Joo Dee.

Has she ever been Joo Dee?

Shock and fear were about to take over and the pulsing pain was about to return, when she felt Ji-sun grabbing her hand.

“They have taken you away from your family, Joo Dee. They have erased your memory of your former life, the memory of your own children, but it seems, that you’re stronger than they thought.”

She squeezed her hand and looked painful at her sleeping daughter.

“Song couldn’t calm you down, you have screamed for your children in panic and fear. It only got better, as she had laid beside you to take you in her arms. You have clawed yourself at my daughter like you was protecting your own with all your strength.”

Joo Dee felt her tears running down her cheeks. The pain in her head was nearly overwhelming, but she refused to let this torture take over her again. She looked painful at the girl in her arms and how this sensation seemed to be so familiar for her, even if she didn’t know why. The quarrel between mother and daughter came back to her mind.

“She doesn’t know this story?”

Ji-sun’s eyes were sparkling at Joo Dee’s question. There was something different in her voice, which couldn’t be ignored. She shook her head.

“No, she only knows the ‘official’ story.”

The woman stroke carefully over the hair of her daughter.

“Today I know that this story could mean protection for her. She’s so sad, that she was born after her aunt and uncle’s death, she only knows them from stories.”

Ji-sun faced Joo Dee with a determent look.

“You have asked me, why I want to help you, know you have a clue. No one deserves a fate like you or my sister. No one.”

Joo Dee felt her own sadness taking over. There was still a gnawing doubt in her mind, but as more as she thought about her situation and this story as more she felt anxious and scared. It couldn’t be possible, that she wasn’t Joo Dee. But it would explain her troubles with her memories.

“But I am Joo Dee. I have ever been Joo Dee, haven’t I?”

The teary whisper seemed to torture the woman beside Song’s bed. She was still holding Joo Dee’s hand and started to stroke over the knuckles with her thumb. The panic of the ‘humble servant’ was increasing.

“It couldn’t be true, Ji-sun. I believe you about your sister, but it couldn’t be the truth about me. It mustn’t be the truth about me.”

Shock was written in Ji-sun’s face. This quote was a desperate wish, there was no doubt and this fact shocked the gentle woman. Joo Dee noticed the question, which was laying in the woman’s mouth.

“When this is the truth, Ji-sun, then all these fragments and emotions I cannot understand are parts of another person.”

Her voice was hollowed and haunted. She shared looks with Ji-sun and the sleeping girl in her arms. It was like she got stabbed in her heart and for a moment she didn’t care, that this girl wasn’t her daughter. She placed another kiss on the forehead of the sleeping girl.

“I don’t know this person. I don’t know, if this is even possible or real in my case, but I know one thing for sure.”

Silent tears were rolling down her cheeks. She felt the pain in her skull pulsing, but not with the same intensity than she was used to at such occasions. Something had changed and this was frighten her even more. Her look rested on Song’s mother.

“This person shouldn’t come back, because it would bring only harm and destruction. She has done too many mistakes. She don’t deserve to come back again.”

Joo Dee ignored the cold shiver, which was running down her spine and she ignored the absolute shock in Ji-sun’s eyes. Her face got hard and determent. She couldn’t remember, if she had ever felt so determent before. This was no order, placed in her mind, this was her will, her own formed truth, she has found in this moment.

“It’s safer for you and for the world, when this person stays dead and buried. She has failed to do the right things far too often. Her absence can at least safe the ones she cares for.”

Both women stared at each other, Ji-sun in open shock and confusion, Joo Dee with an sudden outburst of adamant determination. Suddenly they recognized Song shifting. The girl stretched herself a bit and blinked a few times, before she opened her eyes. She recognized the guarding grip of Joo Dee around her and her eyes widened for a moment in surprise, but her face quickly changed into a relieved one.

“Good morning, Joo Dee.”

Joo Dee felt this strange feeling again, which always came to her during the last week, when she received all the care and kindness from this girl. Nevertheless she released her quickly out of her arms and blushed, but Song only took one of her hands and smiled even warmer at her, but also with a sad glitter in her eyes.

“No, it’s okay. You miss your children and I was here. I know it’s not the same, but...”

Song recognized her own mother at her side and shared a shy and questioning look with her. Ji-sun wiped away some of her tears and nodded at her daughter, which made the girl smile so relieved, before she turned back to Joo Dee.

“I’m not your daughter, but I felt you needed someone you could hold tight like her, yesterday. It was the only way to sooth you and you don’t need to feel ashamed for it, Joo Dee.”

She hugged the baffled woman.

“You’re a kind person, Joo Dee and I wouldn’t have done it, when I wouldn’t like you.”

She released the confused woman out of her arms and smiled warm at her.

“I know what it means to get hurt and to loose a person you love. Don’t worry, we’ll help you to put things right again, trust me.”

There was something in this open and warm smile, which ripped away another cloak before her dark spots in her mind. A clear picture of a little girl about three or four, smiling so warm and happy at her. It was the way Song was smiling, which reminded her at this girl, a smile so warm and carefree, which she wished this child in her mind, her girl could smile every single day in her life.

A smile, which she has helped to seal away a long time ago, by making one fault after another. A smile which she missed so much, that it was hurting her badly, but it was a pain, she deserved in her opinion. Maybe her daughter could smile it again, one day. Her brother might find it again. It was a hope, she had forgotten so often, pushed away by the doctors, no the agents of the Dai Li in Ba Sing Se. But she wouldn’t forget it this time. The person, who had done these mistakes was gone, drowned and buried in Joo Dee, but this hope would help her to accept it. This picture only proved her her suspicion. The mother she was had failed poorly and she had lost her right to come back. It would be too dangerous.

Joo Dee hesitated a moment, but then she dared to put a strain of Song’s hair out of her face. A tear came to her eyes.

“I don’t know, if anything will ever be alright for me again, Song… but thank you.”

Song’s face showed surprise and sadness, but it brought a comforting smile to Joo Dee’s lips.

“Don’t be sad about it. I fear this is the way it has to be.”

She looked up to Ji-sun, who also had tears in her eyes.

“It may not be the same, but maybe you can help me to find out, who else I Joo Dee can be.”

She swallowed a lump as she faced the glossy eyes of the teenager. She resisted the urge to press a soothing kiss on her forehead again. She wasn’t her daughter and she didn’t want to cross this border again, because she wasn’t sure how she would take it, when more memories of her former life would find a way back in her mind.

“This would be more I deserve, Song. Trust me. I don’t know why, but I know it must be right.”

Song shook her head, while tears floated her eyes.

“No you’re wrong.”

She wiped them away with a quick motion of her arm and the uplifting smile returned to the girl.

“But no matter who you have been before or who you are, I would love to help you to become the person you want to be.”

She took Joo Dee’s hand and squeezed it.

“Do you want to join us at breakfast? After that you can come with me and give me a hand or two in the garden?”

The pain and the whispered rejection in her mind were still present, but not as strong as she remembered. This confident and comfort in the voice of the girl gave her strength. She felt the urge to refuse this offer again, but for the first time, she was sure, that this wasn’t her own will. Joo Dee wanted to join them. Maybe she was Joo Dee as she remembered, but Ji-sun was also right. She wasn’t the Joo Dee she want to be or she really has been one day. Her memories should stay dead and buried, she was sure about that, but her will and her emotions…? It would hurt her to allow them to come to the surface. She vague remembered, that this had hurt her before, that they hadn’t allowed her to shape out a personality., but Song wanted to give her her personality back, or at least a personality at all.

Joo Dee sighed as she faced the almost begging look of the girl in front of her. This look was stronger than her fears and pains.

“I would love to join you, Song.”

She looked up at Ji-sun with a worried face.

“But only, when your mother won’t be against it.”

Ji-sun felt the eyes of her daughter resting on her. It brought a warm and proud smile to her lips.

“I’ll set up the table for three. Wash yourself and change the dress, Song. I’ll take care of the breakfast.”

Song nodded with a bright smile at her mother and rushed out of her room. Joo Dee faced Ji-sun with a serious look.

“Something is wrong with me and I have no clue why or how this has happened to me, but we must protect her from the truth. She would only try to dig deeper and I don’t know why, but I’m sure, that this would put all of you in great danger.”

She swallowed hard as she recognized the color fading from the face of Song’s mother.

“I’ll leave as soon as I’m strong enough. I would already leave,but I fear I wouldn’t get far away enough in my condition. All I can do is to regain my strength as fast as possible.”

Ji-sun came closer and placed a hand on Joo Dee’s shoulder.

“Everything has its time, Joo Dee. Now it’s time for a breakfast, later for gardening and the next days or maybe weeks for recovery and plans, what you want or have to do next. You have time to come down and get your thoughts in line again. The slave hunter, probably a disguised agent of the Dai Li, who has transported you is dead, so no one knows, where you are.”

She gave the woman in the bed a warm smile, before she left Song’s room. Joo Dee stared in shock at the door frame. Cold claws where clenching her in an iron grip. She wanted to call for Ji-sun, to warn her, but it was like something or someone in her mind blocked her will with brutal force. She tried her best, but the words wouldn’t find a way to her tongue. She felt tears conquering her eyes in desperation. A heavy sting in her head forced her down and the vision of a wide smiling Joo Dee floated her mind again. It couldn’t swallow this new gained islands of personality completely and also not the picture of this smiling girl, who must be her daughter, but it sealed away the information, Joo Dee wanted to scream out so desperately. 

It had been two agents, who have transported her.


	7. Starting Digging

The breakfast had been a bit strange and awkward for Joo Dee and so for Song and her mother, nevertheless it brought some sort of comfort and peace to the golden-eyed woman. The warm smiles, Song offered her from time to time and this love mother and daughter were obviously sharing seemed to radiate at Joo Dee too. The woman joined Song in the garden, after she had helped to clean up the table and dishes. She observed the girl taking care of the herbs and plants, she was gardening for medicine, before she finally took a rake too and helped to break up the hardened soil between the plants. She recognized the warm smile of the girl beside her and it warmed Joo Dee's heart in a strange known way. Both continued the work for a while, before Song suggested a little break. Both searched for a place in the shadow and took a seat behind the empty stable. The friendly smile of the girl unsealed Joo Dee's lips, finally.

"Have I made something wrong?"

Song's smile only grew and a carefree chuckle escaped her mouth.

"No, no. More the opposite of wrong, Joo Dee. It seems you have talent and more important experience in gardening and cultivating herbs."

Joo Dee frowned at this quote. She had never did anything like this before. It brought a slight uncomfortable feeling back to her.

"I don't… I think I haven't done gardening before, Song."

Song's face fell a bit and she looked confused at the woman.

"But the way you've worked with me. The working steps came so natural to you."

Joo Dee frowned deeper, as she recaptured the way she had worked with the girl in her mind. Song was right, she hadn't lost a thought about what she had done, she simply had acted and she had known what and how to do, but she simply couldn't remember, where she might have learned such things. She felt a tear running down her cheek and suddenly Song had wrapped her arms around Joo Dee to ease her sadness.

"Sorry Joo Dee."

The woman returned the hug and shook her head.

"No need to be sorry, Song. I had no clue about it ether, so there was no chance for you to know it."

She pushed the girl gently back a bit and again a true smile of her appeared on Joo Dee's lips.

"It's so wonderful, that you want to help me."

Song smiled thankful back at Joo Dee and was also blushing a bit. She finally released the woman out of her grip and took place again. It was at the moment, when she got down, as Joo Dee recognized the scars at her leg for a brief moment. It elicited the woman a shocked gasp. Song noticed it and her face was filled with old pain and grief.

"I… We have also… War has also left marks on us."

Joo Dee's eyes shut wide open, glittering with hot tears. The word war planted a stinging response in her mind.

_Lie!_

Something in her mind instinctively tried to push her towards this direction, but the sight of this gentle girl let her resist. She just stared in shock at Song, who had tears in her eyes, pulling up her dress a bit to show Joo Dee the whole grim scar on her right leg.

"Firebenders have attacked our village and have taken my father. This scar…"

She struggled with her tears and almost managed to keep a strong face.

"I tried to help my father, so they attacked me too."

Song finally started to sob and her tears run down strong and steady. Joo Dee stared in trembling shock at the crying girl, this girl, who was fighting for her with such an adamant will. It stung harder than the painful screamed order in her mind to address her as a liar. Joo Dee couldn't see a lie, only true pain and grief and she felt the urgent need to ease this pain. She pulled the girl to her chest and started to stroke her hair until the tears of the girl ran dry after a while. She smiled thankful at the woman and wiped her tears away.

"Thank you Joo Dee."

This warm and honest 'Thank You' was the vital hit against this torturing order in her mind. Joo Dee jerked and hissed in pain, pressing her hands on her temples. She recognized Song jumping up at help her, but she only raised a hand, because the pain was already fading again. She managed a weak smile for the worried looking girl and shook her head.

"It's okay, Song. I'm fine."

The eyes of the girl got wet again and her look stayed worried.

"No you're not! You've lost your memory and this keeps torturing you! This isn't right!"

Joo Dee felt her own tears burning in her eyes. A whirlwind of emotions was raging in her, fueled by fear, hope, compassion and worries and all above was this horrible feeling, that this dull feeling in her head was needed and without any option.

"Maybe… But I fear it isn't wrong ether."

Song's teary eyes widened in pure shock and she stumbled a step backwards, bringing her hand before her mouth. Joo Dee felt this situation ripping on this cloak again, which seemed to cover her mind, but this time she forced herself to keep this cover at place, not by an order, but by her own will.

"Sometimes oblivion could be a blessing Song, trust me. I don't know why, but I feel I know what I'm talking about."

It was stabbing her hear to see the shock in the girls face, but she kept focused on her with a sad smile on her lips. Moments passed and Joo Dee and Song stared at each other, before the girl's face hardened in anger and determination. The teenager crossed her arms before her chest.

"You have a family Joo Dee, a son and a daughter! They miss you, I'm sure! They miss you desperately! I know it, cause I miss my father so desperately! And you miss them too, you cry for them at your sleep every night, since you're here! You need to remember, or how else can you…"

"Song..."

Song winced at the soft, but demanding voice behind her. She turned around and faced the sad look of her mother. It made the teenager realize, that angry tears were rolling down her cheeks. The girl had talked herself into rage and here eyes were burning, but the sad nod of her mother towards Joo Dee cooled her off a bit. She turned back and guilt and sadness rushed over her. Joo Dee was staring through her with hollowed empty eyes. The color had left her face and cold sweat was on her forehead. It let Song's stomach cramp in guilt. She turned away in shame and rushed away into the house without loosing another word, leaving Ji-sun and Joo Dee behind. Both woman looked in pain at each other, before Ji-sun finally dared to speak.

"She won't give up, Joo Dee and maybe she's right as well as we are."

Joo Dee frowned in confusion at Song's mother. The woman seemed to be exhausted and deeply worried, but she faced the questioning look of Joo Dee after a while.

"You think your loss of memory protects you and everyone you know. You think your presence brings us in danger, but you also don't seem to know exactly why."

Ji-sun sighed heavy and took place beside Joo Dee.

"If you really plan to leave us as soon as possible, than it would be helpful for you to fill parts of these holes in your head, Joo Dee. You cannot avoid dangers for you or other people, when you don't know, what you have to look out for."

Joo Dee looked down on the ground. She could hear the whispered warnings again. She felt the idea of pain and suffering as soon as her mind tried to touch these barriers in her mind. It felt wrong to ask questions, but she recognized, that this wrong feeling seemed to be ordered, it didn't felt genuine, at least a part of it. It only left her more confused and without a real orientation.

"But I cannot ask questions, Ji-sun. I'm still a humble servant of the City and the Earthkingdom. I'm not allowed to question..."

She hissed in pain, but shook her head and raised her hand as Song's mother wanted to touch her.

"I cannot ask questions. It hurts, when I try to do so, like it hurts when… when these visions or memories bubbles up in me."

She bumped her head against the stable for some time to put an external pain against this internal one.

"It hurts to think about, it hurts more to talk about. I forget things… I have to forget things… It's ordered..."

She started to bump her head harder against the wall until Ji-sun stopped her by pulling her a bit back from the wall. Her look was incredibly sad and painful, it tightened Joo Dee's throat. Her voice fell down to a hollowed whisper.

"I shouldn't even have talked about this fact with you. It's wrong. It's forbidden, it's… it's…"

Ji-sun shook her head, as she looked in the desperate eyes of Joo Dee. Her eyes were filled with tears of compassion.

"It's okay, Joo Dee. It's okay."

Joo Dee pressed her eyelids together and simply concentrated on her breath for a while.

"I'm afraid, Ji-sun. It scares me to death. I don't feel right and I don't know why."

She kept her eyes closed, but she felt the other woman rubbing her shoulders.

"Because the walls they have build up starting to crumble."

Joo Dee remained silent, but she knew, that Ji-sun was right. She hadn't seen an agent for weeks, who had locked all these things away. Things like this had happened before, but special agents had always assured, that these questions and feelings got buried again, but they kept coming back and now they were more present. This fact started to send shivers down her spine. It was wrong to ask questions. Suddenly her eyes flew open. It was a risk, but also an option.

"I cannot ask questions, but..."

She hesitated, waiting for the stinging pain, but it didn't come to her. It bought a hopeful flicker to her eyes and Ji-sun started to observe her pensively.

"...but I can give answers. I'm ordered to give answers and informations as a humble servant."

Her look turned into a more hopeful one, almost begging. Joo Dee's mind started to race though all the official informations, which were stocked in her brain, she only hoped, that Ji-sun had understood her hint. The vision of the grim scar at Song's leg came to her mind and suddenly she knew, which information she wanted to offer first.

"There is no _war_ in Ba Sing Se."

Moments passed and Joo Dee's hopeful look was resting on Ji-sun. The woman was watching at her with open confusion for some time and the golden-eyed woman started to fear, that Song's mother hadn't get the message, but suddenly her face lighted up and she nodded at her.

"Okay I think I understand, the war. Better we make some tea, before I start. This might take some time."

Ji-sun stood up and helped the other woman back on her feet. Joo Dee had a hopeful smile on her lips as they walked to the house. She was still scared, what answers were waiting for her and what these information would do to her, but Ji-sun was right. She needed to know more about this mess in her head, when she wanted to have a chance to protect the people she cared for… including Song and her mother.


	8. Options

Lies!

Joo Dee felt surrounded by them, pushed by them, driven by them, born out of them.

Every information, every quote, she presented uncovered more of them, but also a suffocating truth. Her mind wasn't able to separate between lie and truth. Ji-sun's explanations must be lies, there was no other way. It was a ordered knowledge, that her words couldn't be the truth, but Joo Dee couldn't ignore the pure emotions, the honest eyes and the pain and suffering, which was linked with her words. Joo Dee's instincts told her that the lies were in her head and something even worse. Her existence seemed to be a lie, probably the biggest of all, yet she didn't come any closer to the reason, why people want to see her dead.

Hours passed by and she heard things, she had never heard before. It was torture to ignore the urgent need to insist instantly at Ji-sun's stories and they had to make breaks over and over again, when Joo Dee's resistance against the orders in her head was taking it's toll. But she didn't give up, she presented more and more informations in order to get answers or at least hints.

About the war, which had reached the walls of Ba Sing Se.

About the Dai Li, which was controlling the City with stone cold hands.

About the cruel recruiting teams, which pressed people into the army.

It was just a big lie and Joo Dee started to see the story about Ji-sun's sister in a new light. She had believed her before about her fate. Her sisters were all to… similar. But now she also started to believe, that she was sharing her fate too.

She was helping Ji-sun in the kitchen again, because it was already late evening. Song hadn't joint them at dinner and her mother had brought her her food to her room, where she had locked herself up after her quarrel with Joo Dee.

"You should take a rest, Joo Dee. It has been a hard day for you."

The woman shook her head and smiled at Song's mother. She felt exhausted and totally confused, but she wanted to dig deeper. She was about to answer, when Ji-sun laid a hand on her shoulder.

"Tomorrow is a new day and you still need some rest."

Joo Dee's face fell into resignation.

"But I still have no clue why was ordered to die. I still have no clue why I am… like I am."

She recognized the cold shiver, which was running down Ji-sun's spine. She took the hand of the woman and locked her eyes with the ones of Song's mother. Her voice fell down to a hollowed whisper.

"This person I was. It was a terrible person, I can feel it. It's like this person tries to use me as a cover. But that's not the worst."

She focused on her breath and ignored the pain in her skull. She wasn't sure, whether she became used to it or if the pain had lost some of the harshness, but it was bearable.

"I believe your stories, Ji-sun. I… no Joo Dee knows, that you're telling lies, but I know what my instincts tell me and I haven't used them… I cannot say if I ever have followed my instincts before."

She took a firm grip at Ji-sun's arm and her eyes got teary.

"This person. I can feel that she welcomes all this misery. What could she… could I have done, that she accepts this? Why have I forgotten my children. I seem to… no I feel I love my children, but why do I know, that I should stay away from them?"

Joo Dee let go Ji-sun's arm and took place on a chair, while she started to cry desperate tears. It obviously tortured Song's mother to see this woman in all her confusion and misery. She walked over to the crying woman and started to rub her back.

"Maybe you should ask Song."

Joo Dee's crying stopped instantly and she shared a questioning look with Ji-sun. The woman looked nervous.

"She was at your side when your fever was high and she is with you every night since you were brought to our house and she has told me, that you talk a lot about them during your sleep."

Now it was Ji-sun, who got teary eyes.

"She doesn't talk about details, but I can see it in her face, what nightmares you seem to share with her every night, so if you want to find out more about the person you was and her reasons, ask my daughter about your nightmares."

Joo Dee gave her a thankful smile and got up. Both women walked to Song's room and entered carefully, after they heard no response at their knocking. A wave of guilt and sympathy rushed over Joo Dee as she entered the room behind Ji-sun and watched at the bed, she was sleeping in since weeks. Song was still in her clothes, but fallen asleep on her own bed. It was this moment, when Joo Dee realized how exhausted this gentle girl had to be, how these weeks have stressed this girl out. Ji-sun was about to wake her up, but Joo Dee stopped her by placing an arm on her shoulder. She shook her head as she started to whisper at Song's mother.

"No. Let her sleep. She needs some rest, too."

Joo Dee walked over to the sleeping bag on the floor and picked it up with the pillow.

"It's time that she gets her bed back. I'll take the sleeping bag from now on. I fear I should start to get used to it."

She walked back to the door with the pillow and the sleeping bag, but Ji-sun's confused look made her stop. Joo Dee nodded at the sleeping girl.

"She needs also a break from my nightmares. She deserves a peaceful rest tonight and due to your words she will not have one with me inside the room. I'll sleep in the empty stable tonight."

She was about to leave, when Song seemed to notice the presence in sleep, because she shifted her position and opened her sleepy eyes.

"I'm sorry, Joo Dee."

Both women looked in surprise at the girl, who was facing Joo Dee's eyes with an ashamed look.

"Stay please."

Joo Dee shared some questioning looks with Ji-sun and Song, but finally she nodded in defeat.

"It's okay Song. I'll stay."

The girl was about to leave the bend, but Joo Dee insisted instantly.

"But I take the sleeping bag and this is no point of discussion young lady."

She realized her own words and the tone of her voice first, as she noticed the surprised gasp of Ji-sun and the sudden vivid sparkle in Song's eyes. Joo Dee felt her cheeks blushing but Song pulled her out of this embarrassing situation.

"Alright. But please don't hesitate to wake me in case you change your mind, okay."

Joo Dee nodded with a teary smile and Ji-sun placed a proud kiss on Song's forehead, before she left the room. Song observed her patient preparing the sleeping back and waited until Joo Dee had laid down on the floor. She looked worried at her but the woman gave her a soothing smile.

"Goodnight Song."

The warm words brought a smile to the girl's face.

"Goodnight Joo Dee."


	9. Hidden in Nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! This chapter will get much darker to the end.
> 
> I have also created an extended version of the son "Brave Little Soldier Boy' I hope a good one.

_She was running along the coast line using the rocks as cover. She could hear the shouts from behind and barely managed to escape another fireball. The men had attacked her as soon as she had set a foot on land, first with clubs, but they had underestimate her abilities. She had fought back with everything she got, driven by the primal instinct to survive and so she had managed to run, but her enemies were at her heels._

_She had expected such a situation._

_She had expected, that he wouldn't leave her alive._

_It would be too dangerous for him._

_Her legs and lungs were burning and her broken arm started to pulse in pain. She felt dizzy and could taste the blood in her mouth, which was seeping from a cut above her eyebrow down her face to the corner of her lips. Her eyes were desperately searching for a hide, a chance to escape her persecutors, but there was no escape, no cave, no ray of hope. Her strength was fading and she felt this cold tickle in her chest clawing her with iron fangs. She would die on this beach._

_She deserved this._

_She had made too many mistakes in her life._

_She collapsed behind the next rock she could reach and started to cry. At least her death would give her children a chance. She wasn't strong enough to live for them, but she could die for them. She has failed to protect them before him, especially her lovely daughter. Maybe her death could save her out of his claws._

_One of her opponents circled the rock and raised a club, but she remained on the ground. She has failed to live for her too, but she would die for her and with Agni's grace she would find out the truth one day._

_The truth, that her mother was sorry for failing to love and protect her good enough._

_She closed her eyes and accepted it._

_An awfully crunching sound let her eyes fly open. The man was gone and she looked up. Fists made of stone flew through the air above her and she heard fighting sounds in the distance, but the noise died soon. Suddenly an unknown person appeared at her side and she look in the cold green eyes of a man in an formal Eathkingdom robe. The man bowed before her and offered her a helping hand with a smile, but it wasn't an comforting one._

" _Welcome to the Earthkingdom. My name is Long Feng and I think we have a lot to discuss."_

* * *

Joo Dee woke up with a fearful jerk and bathed in her own sweat. She had no clue what time it was, but it was still dark outside and dawn seemed to be still far away. She recognized the pain at her arm and realized, that she had turned herself on it during sleep, which had caused an unpleasant pressure on it. She rubbed along the skin between hand and elbow and noticed a bump at the bone under her skin. It was a faint imperfection, but impossible to deny. This arm had been broken. A shudder came over her and the urgent need to get some fresh air, so she left Song's room as silent as possible.

The air wasn't as cool as needed, but it helped her to take a few steps outside and so she decided to take a little walk, not too far of cause, but she needed some distance and peace to get her thoughts back in line. This dream had been too real and the fact, which was more confusing to her, it didn't blur like the other she might have had before.

She was walking along the road, deep in her own thoughts. She felt the shadow in her mind fading since some days and it seemed that these inner walls were crumbling. Still this person inside of her tried to avoid her grip, beside the fact, that these walls seem to come down faster and faster. As more as she started to allow her personality or at least a personality to come to the surface as more of these orders and darkness in her mind seem to vanish.

Joo Dee noticed, that she had started to rub her arm again. She was nearly sure, that her dream was an old memory, but she couldn't understand it. But she might have broken her arm at another occasion, yet she couldn't remember at an accident, which would have caused such an injury.

"Miss, are you alright?"

Joo Dee snapped out of her thoughts at the gentle voice. She hadn't noticed the stranger coming up the road and she took a panicked look back the way she came from, only to notice, that she has walked far more away from Ji-sun's and Songs's house, than she had planned. Her panic was obviously written in her face, because the man's look got even more worried.

"Don't worry, Miss. My name is Chan-woo and I live in the town near by. Are you injured? I can guide you to the hospital, which isn't far from here."

He pointed at Joo Dee's arm, she was still holding at her chest. The man came closer and she noticed the gentle face of the man. He was about thirty with short black hair and green eyes. His look lighted up in surprise as he came closer.

"You are Joo Dee. I have helped to bring you home to Song. Glad to see you back on your feet. You've looked horrible as we found you and… Sorry I don't want to cut in open wounds."

Even in the dim light of the fading moon she could see him blushing in shame. He turned his head aside to hide it for a moment, before he looked up the road.

"You seem to be a little lost, should I guide you back to Ji-sun's house?"

Joo Dee's worries were fading, because nothing in the voice of this man or in his behavior alarmed her. She was lost indeed, but she was also searching and here was an unexpected opportunity. She closed her eyes and made a decision.

"You're right I am Joo Dee, a humble… I'm Joo Dee."

She bowed before the man and managed a thankful smile as she straightened up again.

"Thank you for your offer. I hope..."

She hesitated and started another try.

"May I ask..."

The words kept stuck in her throat again, but Chan-woo gave her a warm smile and raised his hands a bit to signal her to take a deep breath.

"It's okay. Yes you may ask. Anything you like. Song has told me, that you have difficulties with your memories."

He noticed the suspicious look of Joo Dee and smiled even warmer at her.

"I work at the hospital too, when rough work has to be done."

A shadow rushed over his face for a moment, but it faded instantly and the warm smile returned.

"She was so relieved, that she has broken your fever."

Joo Dee nodded with a teary smile and it let the man dare to place a hand carefully on her shoulder.

"Come on. I guide you back home. I bet Song is already worried about your absence."

He took his hand away and offered her to walk with him back to Song's home, but she suddenly shook her head. The dream came back to her mind and the talks about the war and suddenly she wanted to see it. Ji-sun had told her, that wounded soldiers were to be found in the hospital and that Song was taking care of them. She wanted to see it with her own eyes. She knew, that Ji-sun hadn't lied to her, but here was the chance to add pictures to these stories and she wanted to see the hard truth with her own eyes, so she faced the man with a shy, but determent look.

"I want to visit the hospital."

The man's eyes widened in surprise, so she continued.

"I don't know, but maybe it'll help to regain parts of my memory."

The face of the man got serious for a moment and he closed his eyes, frowning deep for a while, but then he nodded with a sad, but knowing look.

"I'll guide you to the hospital and tell Ji-sun and Song where you are, so they don't need to be worried."

Joo Dee's thankful smile let the man blush again and he turned back down the road to guide her to the hospital.

* * *

Chan-woo was right, it had been only a few minutes until they arrived the door of the main building. He bowed before her for a last goodbye and was about to leave as Joo Dee's voice made him turn back.

"Chan-woo?"

Her voice was a bit shaky and she was nervously rubbing her arms, but finally she rushed to him and hugged the surprised man for a moment. His cheeks were burning in flaming red, as she released him out of her arms and Joo Dee looked nervous at the ground.

"This is all I can give to say thank you to you for my rescue, but..."

She was cut off by him, as he hugged her back for a moment. He smiled warm at her, which now let her cheeks taking a crimson hue.

"You're welcome Joo Dee. And this was the nicest 'Thank you' I have ever received."

Joo Dee smiled at his answer and he bowed a last time, before he left her at the door. The woman took a deep breath in… and entered the building.

* * *

It was a nightmare. A cruel, bloody and crippled one, painted in shades of brown, yellow and red, outlined with painful and tortured faces and tiredness in every eye she could find. It smelled of burned flesh, pus and puke, and of an gut-knotting unhealthy sweet odor of death and decay covered up with an antiseptic note of alcohol and herbs. It sounded of painful moans and whimpers of begging prays and men whining for their mothers and crying for their friends, but the worst sound was the heavy choking silence between all these noises, which was proving the undeniable absence of life and hope.

Joo Dee forced herself to walk down this walk of tears, to watch this parade of pains and torture to let this sight crush the lies in her mind. She broke down on a chair at the end of the room, after she had taken a look at every man, who was lying here. Someone of the staff has handed her a cup of tea, but she didn't took a sip. She only stared back at the horror in this room at all this misery and pain, until she couldn't bare it anymore. She couldn't take the idea of Song working in this nightmare every day and helping her too. She had to do something, here and now and so she stood up and scanned the beds. It was another painful hit for her, that it wouldn't matter where to start so she decided to move her chair to the bed next to her. It made her own tears running stronger again to watch into the burned face of a young man or teenager, she wasn't sure about it. His hollowed whimpers were more than she could stand and she stared helpless at him, unsure what to do until a labored weak voice from the other side of the room gave her a hint.

"Just show him, that you're here."

She turned to the other side of the room and looked into the unhealthy pale face of an man, about fifty or sixty, it was hard to tell, because he looked so much older. Her look must have been filled with a lack of understanding, because he got more precise.

"Hold his hand."

A bitter break followed and the man raised his arms a bit to present the bandaged stumps, where he had lost his own hands.

"I would do it, but I fear I won't hold hands with anyone anymore."

The sight forced Joo Dee back on her chair and she shared a tortured look with the old man and the whimpering boy beside her, but finally she dared to pull one arm of him to her and took carefully the hand of the boy. His eyes flew wide open in panic and confusion, but Joo Dee resisted the instinct to let go the grip and stated to hush soothing words at the the young man. She felt his tension fading, but she noticed the questioning look. Finally the young man managed a question.

"… Mommy…?"

It forced a wrecking sob out of Joo Dee, but she tightened her grip around the hand of the man and decided to leave him this illusion. She managed a nod, which elicited a relieved cry out of the man's throat.

"Mommy… I'm so afraid… I tried to be brave, but..."

Joo Dee cried even harder, but she shook her head and talked to the man in a tear soaked, but soothing voice.

"You were brave. Always. I'm here now, no need to be afraid anymore."

The man cried on, but nodded weak at her, She felt his grip also tightened around her hand and it activated something in her own mind, something which needed to come out here and now. Joo Dee started so hum a soothing melody, she hadn't know it was hidden in her mind. The gentle and soothing sound started to grow slowly but soon it filled the room with a comforting and soothing warmth. The darkness and pain seem to take a little break for a moment and then she started to sing. A clear voice, warm and wonderful, which dulled all the pains and worries, but also filled with a sadness and compassion, which was forcing tears in the eyes of every person in the room. The words came natural to her lips and she focused her look on the man in the bed before her as she sung the song.

 

"Leaves from the vine

Falling so slow

Like fragile, tiny shells

Drifting in the foam.

Little soldier boy

Come marching home

Brave soldier boy

Comes marching home.

 

Through dirt and through dust

Until shield and and sword rust.

Through cold and through heat

Let your heart drums the beat

Little soldier boy

Come marching home

Brave solder boy

Comes marching home.

 

Pains and fear

You won't find them here.

Mother's arms they spend

Final rest in the end.

Little soldier boy

Come marching home

Brave little soldier boy

Has find his way home."

 

She noticed a smile on the young mans face… before his head dipped to the side and his hand went slack in her grip.

Joo Dee's tears didn't stop falling as the staff covered the face of him. She was sure, that she would never forget his face for the rest of her life and she wondered how many of these faces were already haunting Song.

"You have taken his fears and have given him strength and peace as he needed it. Thank you."

The tear soaked voice of the old man was so warm and thankful. Joo Dee took her chair and came to his bed. The man gave her a thankful smile and Joo Dee took a deep breath in.

"Still it feels so insufficient."

The man nodded with a knowing face.

"It always does."

Joo Dee bit her bottom lip and wiped away some of her tears.

"It there something I could do for you?"

Another warm smile came to the man's lips.

"To hear this song of my old home again was more than enough. You have warmed an old man's heart."

Joo Dee frowned at this quote and the man's face darkened.

"My name is Jiruh. I'm a Firebender, or better was."

He nodded down his arms.

"I deserted years ago at the walls of Ba Sing Se and joined the army of the Earthkingdom. I have taken the advice of my General to leave this madness, but I decided to fight it instead and so I ended up here."

A bitter smile rushed over his lips and he ignored the shocked look of Joo Dee.

"Our patrol got attacked and this boy and I have been the only surviver. The enemy commander had his own idea of punishment for a traitor and so he took my main weapons away, my hands and left me to die, but we were found and so I came to this hospital."

His smile returned to his lips and he faced the sad eyes of Joo Dee.

"Don't be sad, my wounds will heal and I will find a way to..."

Suddenly his eyes shut wide open and he stared at Joo Dee in total shock and disbelief.

"This is impossible! Milady! My apologize for not recognizing you earlier!"

Joo Dee's mind went blank. She stared back at the man in total confusion.

"Do… Do we know each other?"

The man somehow managed to take Joo Dee's hands with his stumps and pressed his forehead against it.

"Yes, I mean no Milady."

His voice was down to a careful whisper and he checked his surrounding carefully, but the staff was too busy to recognize them.

"I have seen you at the Palace years ago at your wedding."

He instantly noticed Joo Dee's shock and confusion. The woman was trembling heavy and the color had left her face completely. His look got most worried.

"You don't remember this day?"

Joo Dee managed to shake her head a bit, which let fear come to the man's face. His voice fell even lower.

"You're not safe here. When they should find out who you are…"

He bit his lip and took a moment to control his breath.

"Have you a safe place, where you can go to Milady?"

Everything was dulled by this cloak of shock, but Joo Dee managed another nod.

"Song. She and her mother have given me shelter."

It elicited the man an relieved gasp. His mind seem to race.

"Good. Song is a good person. Stay there, I'll talk with Song. I would be thrown out here within the next days anyway, so I'll come with her this evening, then we can talk."

"Joo Dee!"

Songs voice echoed through the room and Jiruh and Joo Dee looked up. The worries of the teenager was radiating through the whole room. Ji-sun was at her side, also with a worried face. The old soldier turned back to Joo Dee and the pain in his look was even worse.

"For Agni's sake, what have they done to you, Milady."

Song was already walking towards them and this fact let Joo Dee snapping out of her shock. She knew, that this unknown person insider her wanted to stay forgotten, but right now she had a chance to find out more about her and she simply couldn't let this chance go. She bowed down to the man.

"Who am I, Jiruh?"

The man give her a painful look but he leaned towards her ear.

"May Agni guide and protect you, Lady Ursa."

It was like a flash before her eyes. A blinding light, which brought light to a lot of dark spots in her mind. She was pale and trembling and barely recognized the guiding hands of Ji-sun, as they were on the way back to the house. Both women also didn't recognize the man, who was following them in safe distance.


	10. Drown in the Lake Laogai

It was late evening, when Song returned home with the old soldier. She was most nervous, because he had told her, that he knew, who Joo Dee was, but that he couldn't speak about it here in the hospital and that it would be his ultimate duty to talk with the poor woman to help her with her memory. Now they were at the stairs of her home and she helped Jiruh to reach the door. The old man was obviously nervous and deeply worried, but he smiled thankful at the girl as he recognized her worried face.

Song opened the door and the rich flavor of fresh cooked food swapped out of the house. It was casting a warm smile on Song's lips.

"Mom? Joo Dee? I'm home and Jiruh is with me!"

"We are in the kitchen, Song."

Joo Dee's voice was slightly trembling, but neither Song nor Jiruh was surprised about this fact. Both were most nervous too, especially Song. Finally there was hope for Joo Dee. Finally she would get back her memory. The rich flavor got more intense with every step they came closer to the kitchen.

"This smells delicious, what have you... MOM!"

Song's curious voice changed into a panicked tortured shriek as she entered the kitchen. She was about to storm the room, as a cold hand of stone pinned her at the wall, followed by a second one, who grabbed Jiruh and pulled the struggling man in. The teenager stared in blank terror at the scenery. Ji-sun was forced down on a chair, bound and gagged. Tears of horror and fright were streaming down the face of her mother and her hair hung in sweaty strains from her head. Beside her mother on another chair was a man in uniform. Some fainting bruises were to be seen in his stoic face and he ignored Songs desperate cries for her mother.

But the most shocking sight was Joo Dee. The woman was standing a few steps behind the man, ready to serve him a bowl of soup. Joo Dee's cheeks were covered with streams of tears. All color had left her face, beside of flaming red cried eyes. She was trembling in deepest shame and desperation and her look was a screaming apologize.

"Joo Dee, run! Get help!"

Song's desperate cry only forced more tears out of the woman's eyes, but she didn't made a move. The teenager's begging cries became more angry and furious. Why wasn't she bound. Why did she helped this man or at least why hasn't she tried to stop him from hurting her mother? A slight chuckle, ripped her out of her cries.

"Don't you think Joo Dee, a humble servant of the city would have a choice?"

The unknown man gave the crying girl a chilling smile.

"Joo Dee has made a vacation at the Lake Laogai. She may not seem to be completely… refreshed, but she is now capable to handle my orders as a humble servant of the city. Am I right, Joo Dee?"

The man turned to the crying woman. Her begging look was torture for Song.

"… Please… Agent Torak… Please let…"

"Am I right, Joo Dee?"

The voice of the agent got harder and colder, which made Joo Dee wincing back. Her helpless whimper was heart-breaking and Song noticed her inner struggle, but finally she managed some frantic, defeated nods.

"How could you dare! For Agni's sake don't dare to raise hand against..."

A hard hit of a stone fist let the old soldier pass out and elicited shocked screams from Song and Joo Dee and more muffled cries from Ji-sun. Song stared with tear soaked eyes at the man.

"Why…?"

A sparkle came to his eyes and he shared looks between Song and Joo Dee. The terrified woman was shaking her head with begging eyes, but this seems only to encourage the man.

"Joo Dee? Would you please be so kind. Some soup for me and a nice story for your savior. I know we have already talked about it, but I love a good story."

It was horrible for Song to see how every inch of Joo Dee tired to resist the order, but how she was acting like a puppet. She served the man a good bowl of the fresh soup and returned to her place back behind him. She hesitated to speak, but one look of the agent broke her resistance.

"My name was..."

Her voice was nearly choked in her tears and she swallowed twice, before she tried again, still with a hollowed voice.

"My name is Lady Ursa, wife of Fire Lord Ozai, sister-in-law of Lord Iroh Dragon of the West, granddaughter of Avatar Roku, mother of Prince Zuko and Princess Azula of the Fire Nation."

Song's heart skipped a beat as her mind went blank. She stared in absolute shock at Joo Dee… at Ursa. This was impossible. More tears started to run down her cheeks and she wiped them away with her hands, sobbing heavily.

"I had… I have poisoned my father-in-law, Fire Lord Azulon in order to protect my son. My husband…"

Her breath got more labored, but she continued.

"My husband demanded the birthright of his older brother from his father, after Lu Ten died at Ba Sing Se, but Fire Lord Azulon got furious about this insult and demanded the life of my son as satisfaction and so I did what I had to do to protect his life. I helped my husband to get his will."

A heavy silence rested in the room for a moment, only broken by the slurping sound of agent Torak.

"I mixed him a poison and he did the rest. He manipulated papers and assured that Azulon took the poison. My son's life was saved and my husband became the new Fire Lord, but I was banished for my crime. Because of Azulon's cruel demand, my life was spared, but only on first sight."

More tears broke their way and Ursa and the Fire Lady buried her face in her hands. Her voice was muffled and so desperate as she continued speaking.

"My husband payed the crew to kill me as soon as I would set a foot on land again and they would have been successful, but the Dai Li had his own spies in the Fire Nation and my banishment didn't stayed unnoticed. They… 'saved' my life and imprisoned me for my knowledge and for my rank to be able to blackmail Ozai or anyone of the Royal Family, if possible and needed and in order to keep me in line and to make me useful I was turned into… into..."

Her voice drown in her tears, but Song finished the sentence for her in total shock.

"They turned you into a Joo Dee."

Ursa nodded, with her hands still pressed at her face.

"My, my Joo Dee. You still forget the best part."

Ursa's crying died in a shocked gasp. She removed her hands from her face and stared in total shock at the man.

"No… Please no… I don't want to…"

The man raised an eyebrow and his look became harder. Suddenly Song screamed in pain, as the stone hand started to squeeze her wrist harder and harder.

"NO! Don't hurt her, please!"

A shocked scream and begging raised hands of Ursa made him release some of the pressure. She faced Song's red cried eyes.

"But the worst of all is, that I welcomed my fate. A perfect punishment for my crimes. For helping killing a person but more important for failing to protect my children from my monster of husband. For abandon them, for leaving them at his mercy, for… for…"

Ursa's look became incredibly broken.

"For failing to give both of them all my love."

New tears were running down her cheeks in mourning streams. It was like a wall was broken.

"I let her down! I let my Azula down! I failed to protect her to fight for her, have abandoned her long before I left, only because he threatened to handle her with the same sneer and loathing he did with my Zuko. To see him doing it with my son was killing me, the idea to see him doing this to my daughter… I couldn't take it and so I dared to give up. I went distant, left her at his mercy only to see how he kept on throwing my children into a constant fight for his attention. He had no real love for her, but at least she was safe before his cold loathing. She was happy and safe. She didn't needed my love. She never wanted my love."

Song stared at her with open mouth and hot tears on her cheek.

"But that's a lie! Every daughter wants the love of her mother! She needs you!"

Ursa stared at her with her moth opened to a silent cry. Song recognized, that her words was reaching her, but they only increased her desperation and her grief. Finally she managed an broken, lifeless whisper.

"I know… That's why I welcomed oblivion. To forget my lies, my failure, my shame… my children, only to realize now, that this is my ultimate shame, an unforgivable act. Nothing can fix this, absolutely nothing..."

The fire in Ursa's eyes died. Her tears stopped falling and all what seemed to be left was the broken shell of a woman and mother, bare of any will to fight. It was too much for Song.

"Only when you fail again, Ursa!"

The woman looked slightly confused at Song and the agent stopped eating the soup. Song recognized a faint hint of a sparkle in Ursa's eyes. It gave her hope.

"Maybe you failed before, but you're still here! They are still out there!"

Life seem to come back to Ursa's eyes. She dared a faint look at agent Torak out of the corner of her eyes. Song's heart started to race faster.

"You can fix this. I know you and I have no doubt..."

Her voice died in an horrible gagging sound as a cold stone hand locked a choking grip around her throat. The tortured screams of Ursa and Ji-sun's muffled ones filled the house.

"Enough!"

Torak turned to Ursa, who was staring in shock and hate at the man, but he just sneered at her.

"Time for us to leave Joo Dee. You'll never be able to save you children, but I'm sure you can save my life, so time to move on."

The helpless coughing and choking of Song increased, which let Ursa cry out in raw panic.

"LET HER GO! LET THEM ALL GO! I'LL COME WITH YOU, BUT LET THEM GO!"

Torak shook his head with an evil snicker.

"You're so naive, Joo Dee. They know the truth, so I cannot..."

Torak frowned.

"…, so I cannot let them…"

He looked at Ursa in confusion. Something in the look of the woman had changed. Her look had hardened, visibly. The agent stumbled and needed a grip at the table to keep himself on his feet. He stared at the nearly emptied bowl of soup and then back at Ursa. Something stone cold was in her look and suddenly the eyes of the agent widened in shock. Ursa straightened up, facing the shocked look of Torak with a deadly glare.

"I failed once to protect my daughter, but I won't fail to protect hers."

Torak noticed Ji-sun's eyes resting on him too, with the same deadly glance. He mobilized his last fading strength. Song's gagging got awfully worse, before an ear-splitting scream filled the kitchen. Ursa had ripped the pot with the rests of the boiling soup from the fire and had thrown it in the agents face, ignoring the fact, that the hot iron was burning her hands. The man fell on the ground and the stone hands crumbled,freeing the still unconscious Jiruh and a desperately coughing Song, how was hungrily inhaling the fresh air and holding her sore throat. Torak's screams got weaker as the poison worked on in his body, but it also started to dull his pains, so he managed a final quote, while his hateful eyes were fixed on Ursa.

"You… You got drown… You got drown in the Lake Laogai."

The sound of his last breath was swallowed by Ursa's soul-splitting scream as the woman collapsed beside him.

* * *

She woke up with a haunted scream on her lips. She hyperventilated and it took minutes to recognize the soothing hands, which were rubbing her knuckles and her back. She took a look to her side and watched into the worried eyes of a girl.

"Hey, it's okay. It's over. Jiruh and Chan-woo are taking care of..."

Her voice broke and shiver tortured the girl. The teenager shook her head for a moment and gave her a warm smile, but suddenly it began to fade.

"Are you all right."

She felt her panic rising at this question and her tears coming to her eyes.

"No..."

Fear rushed over the girls face.

"What's wrong?"

It was like someone was sitting on her chest and the new question added more weight on it.

"Who are you?"

Her question let the color fading from the teenagers face.

"I'm Song. You know me."

She felt her breath picking up speed again and she only managed to shake her head. It elicited Song a teary gasp and she wanted to call for her mother, but a desperate grip at the sleeve of her robe stopped her.

"Song? Who am I?"

A wrecking sob escaped Song's mouth. The teenager pulled her in her arms, pressing her head against hers, so that her lips were near her ear.

"You're Ursa."

A tear-soaked break, but Song felt Ursa shaking her head again.

"Joo Dee?"

It was a frightful question, but the answer was devastating. Ursa pushed her back with raw fear in her look. Her voice was barely audible now, trembling and choked by her tears.

"Song. Who? Am? I?"


	11. New Chances

"She's sleeping now."

It was way past midnight, when Song entered the kitchen with a face as pale as the moon outside. The events of the evening had kicked in completely, but Ursa's condition had added a shock and a desperation on the small shoulders of the girl, which were beyond any comparison. She found her mother Chan-woo and Jiruh sitting at the table. Ji-sun had placed a little pottered bottle with sake on the table and all of them had a little cup in front of them with some of the liquor inside. Tired and worried eyes met her, but Song stayed quite and took place on the table too and started to stare a hole in the plate. They gave her the moments she needed, before she could speak again, with an empty voice.

"She knows nothing. Absolutely nothing."

The silence which followed this little break was devastating.

"Ursa is gone again… but Joo Dee too. They are both gone."

A lonely tear rolled down her cheek. Due to Song's red eyes it was a miracle that she was even capable to cry this single one.

"She don't know who she is, who she was and how she ended up here. How is… How is this possible?"

Song lifted her head and scanned the sad faces at the table for answers. It was Jiruh, who finally dared to give some.

"The last words of the agent you have told me of. During my time in the Fire Nation Army we had informations, that the Dai Li is brainwashing people and there were rumors that they have insert some kind of an self-destruction order in their minds. I fear we have the prove for this now. I fear the agent has used a last command to erase the memories of Joo Dee and of Lady Ursa."

The shock in Song's face was complete. She shared helpless looks with the adults and her hands were trembling fists.

"But what can we do now? We must help her to get back her memory. It has worked once, it'll work again. Maybe when we ask for more help..."

"No."

Anger rushed over Song's face as Jiruh's soft voice interrupted her, but the bitter look on the man's face kept her quiet.

"No we can't search for help. Remind yourself who she is."

The man gave Ji-sun a pleading look and the woman helped him to get a sip from the sake, before he continued his explanation for Song.

"When we start searching for help, then we will cause attention. The Dai Li and the Earthkingdom want to see her dead, Fire Lord Ozai too sooner or later."

He noticed the growing confusion in Song's eyes at his last words, which elicited him a sad sigh.

"She knows too much about his dirty way on the throne, so he won't leave her alive and risk the truth to spread out. But right now she is even more valuable for him. Banished or not, the Dai Li has turned the Fire Lady into a Joo Dee and has now erased her memory. This is an ultimate insult. When Fire Lord Ozai can get a grip on her now, then he can use this act to justify any sort of terror and punishment for the whole Earthkingdom, before he get rid of her in the end."

Song started with open mouth at the old soldier. The pure terror in her eyes brought her mother on her feet. She walked over to Song and took her daughter in her arms to sooth her a little.

"But we have to help her."

It was an empty whisper from the girl, who got a firm grip at the sleeve of her mothers robe. Ji-sun kissed her daughter on her head.

"We will, Song. We already making a plan..."

* * *

Ursa woke up in a foreign bed and the fear and the panic came back to her. She had no clue where she was, who she was and this was so frightening. She started to tremble again, when she felt an arm wrapped around her. She turned her head to her right and found the girl, she had met last night at her side. Song was holding her in a soothing grip and the sight of this teenager beside her, trying to ease some of her fears even in her sleep brought tears to Ursa's eyes.

"My little girl refuses to give you up."

Ursa winced and turned to her left. She found the tired eyes of a woman about her own age, who was smiling exhausted but warm at her.

"Ji-sun, I'm Song's mother."

A sadness was in her greeting and Ursa understood, that she probably must have met this woman before, but her memory was simply gone. It was terrifying. The woman, who was sitting at a chair beside the bed, took one of Ursa's hands carefully.

"I fear you don't remember, but..."

Ji-sun was struggling with her emotions, but she forced herself to speak on.

"I want to thank you. Thank you for saving my daughter."

The woman moved her hands to Ursa's not bandaged wrists and squeezed it thankfully. Tears started to roll down Ji-sun's face and Ursa switched her look between the girl and her crying mother. Suddenly she gaped out loud and faced Song's mother with a questioning look.

"Has it to do… Is it the reason, why I cannot remember anything?"

Ji-sun managed an ashamed nod, which brought tears to Ursa's eyes. She looked at the sleeping girl at her side and finally dared to stroke the head of the sleeping girl carefully.

"Then I know, that I have lost it for something worthy."

Both woman cried a bit in silence, while they watched over Song's sleep. Finally Ursa dared to speak again, but her voice was only a broken whisper.

"What should I do? Who am I? Song told me my name would be Ursa, but… No, nothing. I know nothing about me."

She turned back at Ji-sun as she felt a supporting hand on her shoulder.

"We will help you to find your memory again. We have done it once, we'll do it again."

Ursa gave her a hopeful look.

"You know me, don't you?"

Ji-sun nodded at her, which brought determination to Ursa's eyes.

"Then tell me what you know. Who is Ursa and why am I here."

Ji-sun's face got worried.

"I think we should make little steps at this case, this might be a lot to proceed and…"

Ursa took one of Ji-sun's hands and ignored the pain as she squeezed the one of the woman.

"Nothing could be worse that this emptiness in my head. I must and I will handle everything. I need to know why this happened to me."

A smile came to J-sun's lips and she finally nodded at Ursa.

"Fine, but in that case I should prepare a lot of tea and some food. It might take the whole day to talk about what has happened and how we want to help you."

Ursa smiled back at the woman and was about to free herself carefully from Song's grip, when she got pushed back in the sheets by Ji-sun.

"Rest. Both of you have earned it well. I'll call you, when everything is ready."

Song's mother left the room and Ursa switched her focus back to the sleeping girl. She watched at the peaceful face and took carefully a strain of the dark hair out of the teenager's face. Something about this way of acting felt suddenly so familiar. It brought the tears back to Ursa's eyes. It gave her hope.

* * *

Five weeks later

Chan-woo got alarmed, as the three strangers entered the hospital. The uniforms and the stone gloves made it obvious, who has entered the areal. One of the men talked a while to the leader of the clinic, before they came over to him. Chan-woo took a last deep breath. He had hoped, that this day would have never come, but here they came. It was now or never.

"Chan-woo? I'm agent Ling Goy. Me and my fellow agents are searching for a stolen wagon from Ba Sing Se and we have tracked the route of it to this village here and the hospital. The leader of the clinic has told us, that you have been the one, who has found the wagon and a surviver."

Chan-woo bowed before the men. He did his best but his voice was trembling as he answered, but this fact didn't seem to surprise the agents.

"It is an honor to serve. Yes I have found a crushed wagon beside the rode a few miles away from this hospital. I found two corpse and one surviver, a woman unconscious and in really bad shape."

He lowered his voice and fear and disgust was in his eyes.

"The woman was caged away in this wagon. I suspected slave hunters, who had bad luck with a deal. These rotten scum isn't unusual around here lately."

The face of the agent stayed emotionless.

"What about the woman, you've mentioned."

Chan-woo's face darkened.

"I brought her to the hospital, but it was full, so I brought her to some friends of mine. Unfortunately she was too weak in the end. She died a few days later. We haven't even found out who she was."

A thick silence hung between Chan-woo and the agents, but finally agent Ling Goy nodded at the man.

"Thank you for cooperating. This won't be forgotten."

The agents turned around and were about to go, when Ling Goy suddenly stopped. Chan-woo suppressed the urge to take a little gasp.

"We heard rumors, that some newcomers are here in this town since a few weeks."

Chan-woo felt his heart skip a beat, but he did the best he could to keep up looking at the agent eyes.

"Yes sir. My sister-in-law has finally decided to move to my house, since my brother died some years ago at the siege of the Pohuai Stronghold."

He felt his heart racing, but he knew, that he had to move on now.

"Do you want to talk to her, she's also working here in the gardens of the hospital. Ji-ming!"

He turned back to the garden areal beside on of the buildings were several men and women were working. A dark haired woman straighten up at his call and turned to them. They couldn't make out her face from the distance, but Chan-woo was already busy to signal her to walk over, when he got stopped by the Ling Goy.

"Thank you, but no need for that. You've helped us a lot."

Chan-woo bowed before the agents and the men left the areal. He walked over to the woman he had called and took her in his arms as he had reached her. Ursa was trembling as heavy as he did.

"Jiruh's idea was right. But we need to be careful within the next weeks, still I think we have a chance, that we have shaken them off."

Ursa only tightened her grip around the man, while she whispered her answer in his chest.

"I hope so."

* * *

The agents left the hospital behind and waited at a point of the road until an armored wagon came by. A slit opened and the piercing eyes of Long Feng approached. The men got down on their knees for a moment, before Ling Goy got up again.

"What have you found out?"

Long Feng's voice didn't show any emotion. The agent cleaned his throat and started the report.

"We have found the wreck of the wagon. Due to the interrogations we have made, the two agents have disguised themselves, but have killed each other during a quarrel or something. They have transported a prisoner a woman, who has survived first, but died a few days later."

Ling Goy noticed an alarmed sparkle in Long Feng's eyes.

"Do you have checked this story twice."

Ling Goy nodded.

"Positive. We have checked the graves and have found our deserted comrades and also the grave of the woman. We have also talked with the man, who has found them and we couldn't find any hint, that anyone has a clue about our agents or a missing Joo Dee."

But his supervisor didn't seem to be satisfied.

"And about the newcomers?"

Ling Goy nodded.

"Jiruh, a deserted Fire Nation soldier. He has fought against his former Nation, until he ended up here in the hospital. He has lost his hands and has now found a new home here, because a family has offered him a place where he can stay. The other is a woman, Ji-ming. She's the sister-in-law of the man, who has found the wagon. Her husband died at the Pohuai Stronghold."

The silence in the wagon made the agent a little nervous.

"Due to our researches we have made for preparation, all this is plausible."

Another long break followed, but finally an answer came form out of this wagon.

"Good."

The slit was about to get closed, when Ling Goy dared a final question.

"May I ask why this certain Joo Dee was so important?"

Another break followed, but suddenly Long Feng was out of the wagon, taking the three agents out even before they got a chance to react. He looked down at the corpse of the men for a moment, before the coachman got down to place the bodies within the wagon.

"No, you may not."

* * *

Song waved her hand for a goodbye, before she entered her house. She took a last look at Chan-woo and Ursa, who continued their way down the road to Chan-woo's house. She was still worried, that the agents might come back to ask further questions, but due to the report of the meeting she was also hopeful, that they finally might have tricked them. She entered the kitchen ,where Jiruh and her mother were waiting for her with dinner. Her serious look made them both focus on Song.

"The Dai Li was at the hospital today and has asked questions."

She could see the color fading from her mothers face and the stone cold look of the old soldier.

"It seems that they have bought the story, also the one about the newcomers here."

She focused on Jiruh with a serious face.

"You was right, the offer to introduce them to Ursa was enough to satisfy them."

A little accusation was in her words, but Jiruh ignored it.

"I have made the experience, that most people see what they want to see. You wouldn't invite the hunter to show him the prey he searches for. Even when they would have seen her, she would have been hidden before their eyes. To act like you have nothing to hide was the best protection we could offer. Anything else might have only drawn more attention."

"And it was her choice too, to take this risk."

Ji-sun continued to set up the table, but her eyes were focused on Song. The girl snorted a bit but stayed quite.

"She needs time to remember, but maybe she'll never remember again. As Ji-ming she has now the time and the chance to find her memories again."

Song sighed heavy at the words of her mother and closed her eyes in defeat.

"I know. Still it is not fair."

Ji-sun finally circled the table and took her daughter in her arms.

"No it isn't."

She placed a kiss on Song's head.

"But it's a chance for her."

* * *

One and a half year later

Ozai looked up from the ground of his cell as the guards wheeled in his daughter in her chair and straitjacket. The malicious smile on her lips brought a smirk to his face and it got even wider as he noticed his son in the background. Azula waited until the staff had leave the room.

"Hello father. Sorry for skipping the bow, but dear Zuzu is the one, who dictates my robe now."

Ozai nodded at her.

"I see, like he dictates our new homes."

A snicker escaped Azula's lips.

"Yes, but this pathetic fool can't order everything it seems. He came to me yesterday, whining about your resistance to help him with mother. He begged me to help him to find out, where she could be."

Ozai's face showed disappointment.

"And now you're here."

Azula ignored the dipping loathing in Ozai's voice.

"Oh I could also be in the main hall of the Palace as a decoration to prove his victory. It would be a much stronger choice than his pathetic tries to reach me, but nevertheless the point is he decided to bring me here and I cannot change this fact. I have promised him nothing."

The smile came back to Ozai's lips. He had noticed a dangerous fire in Azula's eyes.

"So what do you have in mind."

Azula snorted a bit.

"Mother is dead I suppose or why else shouldn't she have ran back to her dear Zuzu as soon as his pathetic and whiny butt has made contact with the throne. But I do care how I can let him pay for ruin everything and I'm sure a wild goose chase would offers… options."

Her smile grew into a wicked one.

"And with a bit of luck I can spit at him and at mothers grave for everything they have done to me."

Ozai chuckled at Azula's quote. The wild and wicked fire in her eyes was like a warming rain, which washed away some old dirt. Here was a chance.

"Wrong Azula. With a bit of luck you may spit at both your brother and your mother."

Azula's eyes widened for a second and her smile faded into a face filled with lack of understanding. Ozai grinned sinister at his daughter.

"I had planned to punish Ursa with death for her crimes, but then an unexpected opportunity came up. Spies from the Earthkingdom got notice from Ursa's banishment and my further plans for her. I allowed these informations to be stolen and Long Feng snapped at the bait like a hungry tiger dillo."

He was only focused at his own hands now, which had formed fists.

"The last thing I heard of her was, that your Dai Li had captured her and brought her to Ba Sing Se."

"So you knew where she was all the time?"

Azula voice was slightly trembling, but Ozai was too focused on explaining his plan.

"Of cause I did. It was perfect. I heard rumors, that they kept her in imprisoned first, but then they did the best thing I could have dreamed of..."

"They made a Joo Dee out of her."

Ozai's head jolted up and he faced Azula with a suspicious look. Something in the eyes of his daughter had changed dramatically. There was sadness in them and… anger.

"Can't you see it Azula. This ultimate insult he has done. As soon as we would have conquered the city, we could have proven this insult. It would have justified to burn these kingdom down to ashes."

His voice got louder and more dangerous, but Azula ignored it, she kept staring at him with this strange look.

"Why haven't you given me this information. I was in Ba Sing Se. I could have bring you these proves."

Ozai started to get angry.

"But there was no need to do so. You have conquered the city, we thought we had slain the Avatar, I was about to rise as the Phoenix King. My new title alone was enough so I don't needed..."

He was cut off by Azula's cold and empty voice.

"You don't needed my help. You never have. You needed a puppet, noting more and I trusted you right to the end. I have even trusted you as they wheeled me in here."

Ozai inhaled sharp. He looked at her with a slight confusion. Tears started to come to her eyes.

"I don't know, who has told you such lies, Azula. You are my daughter."

Azula released a weak huff, combined with a sarcastic smile.

"You did, father. Zuko has finally found some of your old files and notes. I didn't believed him as he showed me the content, but you have proven him right. Everything about this plan, about your knowledge about our mother's fate was to be found in there. But I refused to believe it until you proved him right."

Ozai felt the color fading from his face as he watched his daughter leaning forward. Her tears were falling down freely.

"Do you know what else was to be read in these notes, _father_? The way how you have forced her to keep me on distance. How you have stolen mother from me!"

It was only a brief flicker of shock on Ozai's face, but this flicker was the last prove for Azula. This little moment as his facade came crumbling down. Azula jumped out of the chair, but the straitjacket and the bindings limited her movements. She crashed at the bars with an ear-splitting scream of hate on her lips. Pure rage was burning in her eyes, while her tears were still falling. The door flew open and Zuko was the first, who was inside the room to lift his sister up, who was cursing Ozai with murder in her eyes until Zuko managed to bring her head against his chest, where she started to sob and cry uncontrollably.

Ozai stared at the scenery for some moments. He noticed the deadly glance in Zuko's eyes, as the Fire Lord observed his father for a second, be fore he placed a soothing kiss on Azula's head. A malicious chuckle escaped Ozai, as Zuko lifted his sister up to carry her out of the room. Zuko tried to ignore it, but his father started to clap his hands.

"Respect, respect. A clever scheme to manipulate your sister. It seems that at least a little bit of my ruling style has rubbed off on you."

His voice started to ooze with loathing.

"But be careful with this little brat. You can give her everything, but it will never be enough for this ungrateful… monster."

Azula's weeping stopped instantly and she stared it pure shock and fear at her father, but Zuko's look hardened dramatically. His breath was hard and his golden eyes filled with a deadly cold.

"Azula doesn't need everything, father. She needs one thing, a family and this is a thing I can give her."

He gave his father a scornful look.

"And this is much more than you have ever given to her. To all of us."

He turned around and ignored the curses Ozai was spitting at them about their weak and pathetic behavior. As soon as they were outside of the cell he placed Azula on the chair and started to free her from the bindings and the straitjacket. His sister looked at him with a lack of understanding, still shaking badly. He smiled at her as he had finally untied the last binding.

"Father has tried to take all form us, but not this time."

He focused on her golden questioning orbs and he could see the pain and the doubts in them. He carefully brought his hand to Azula's cheek and wiped away some tears with his thumb. He could see the struggle in Azula, who seemed to be caught between acceptance and denial.

"I know what you think. This is only a new lie."

His smile got warmer.

"Maybe you're right, but at least it is my lie. And I will always chose to be your stupid, naive and pathetic weakling of brother, if that is the one, who is allowed to love you."

He saw the muscles of her neck jerking a bit, while she kept focused on his eyes. He could see the tears still filling her golden ones and suddenly, after moments, which seemed to be stretched to infinity, he felt her head resting in his hand. Her lips were quivering as she finally rested the full weight of her head in Zuko's palm.

"Zuzu..."

It was the signal for him to pull her into the deepest hug both have shared since ages. He felt her clawing at his robe, while he pressed her head against his cheek.

"Azula… I've missed you so much."

Both stayed in this hug for a long time, crying in relief and consuming the love and comfort each one was spending for the other. It was Azula in the end, who dared to end this hug, facing the teary eyes of her brother with her own red cried ones.

"To Ba Sing Se?"

Zuko smiled and pulled her back into his arms.

"Yes Azula, to Ba Sing Se."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the last chapter for this story. It leaves some loose strings, so maybe I consider to add some sort of epilogue to this story. I want to thank everyone, who has dared to take a look on a story, which hasn't a focus on the common used characters in the Avatar universe and a thank you for your support for this story!
> 
> I wish all of you a wonderful time, wherever you are.


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